June 22nd

It was a beautiful summer morning in late June of 2011; Wednesday, the 22^nd, to be exact. The sun was shining and the temps were warm with a cool breeze blowing. I was traveling North on Hwy 63 through Lake City on my way to Frontenac State Park. My mind was going about a million miles a minute processing something that my heart just could not ignore despite my solid efforts, so the drive was a nice. It gave me time to think, to analyze and re-think and over analyze. It gave me time to convince myself yet again that maybe I was right, when I firmly knew I was wrong.  There was a 20 minute detour so my drive was particularly long, but I thought and I prayed and I sang to the radio and I thought some more. I was relieved to finally arrive at the campground and hunt down one of my closest friends.

We spent the morning making pancakes, catching up, laughing, and enjoying life. It was nice to have a break from the crazy-insane, over-stimulating drive. Finally, we decided it was time to work off the pancakes and go for a hike. It was while hiking through Frontenac State Park that I finally came to realization that I couldn't fight this internal struggle anymore and I needed a friend to process with. I had been fighting within my own heart about this topic for quite a while, mostly because I knew if I said anything aloud, I would be challenged to face my fears. I still wasn’t ready to face what I had been avoiding for nearly a month, but I was also tired of striving to make sense of it on my own.  For the past three and half weeks I had been fighting the formation of a friendship. We had met at the end of April, but it wasn’t until the end of May that I really felt like I was constantly struggling to remind myself that I did not want to open up my heart. Yet, I couldn’t seem to forget the situation and move forward. I firmly believe today that it was divine intervention; that all along God knew what He was preparing me for and that this was a huge part of it.  So what was so difficult about this friendship that I was so desperately trying to avoid in my life?? It was 870 miles from home.  I was preparing to leave for Denver in eighteen days for my best friend’s wedding and it was wonderful to go and visit my best friend, but I was fully aware of what this attachment might do to me.

As I sat on the bluffs overlooking Lake Pepin, my friend Piper challenged me by telling me, “I think you have to out there and open your heart up to the idea of Denver.”  I knew she was right, but I was terrified. Denver was not in my plans; I had been fighting that fact for weeks. So, I opened up my heart and allowed myself the friendship. A friendship that has been a monumental blessing to me and an instrument of God’s teaching in my life numerous times in the past year.

Friday, June 22, 2012, my flight landed at MSP around 1:00am. I was exhausted as I made my way towards the EZair parking shuttle. It had been an emotional couple of days and all I wanted to do was sleep. It was around 2:30am when I finally climbed into bed and where I stayed for the next ten hours. I remember waking up and frantically checking my phone. No missed calls – so disappointing. I forced myself out of bed, showered, brushed my teeth, and made my way towards Target. It was my weekend to work and I had been instructed to make Guacamole for the community pig-out fest we always had on the weekends. I checked my phone at least every ten minutes to make sure I hadn’t missed any calls. In a conversation with my dad, he told me to stop going crazy and enjoy my weekend; surely, they wouldn’t call before Monday.  And then, my phone rang – it was my good friend Gretchen calling to tell me that they had called her! And within minutes, my phone rang again… it was them. I had applied for this job in January and it had taken five months to hear anything from them, but now, less than 24 hours after I had interviewed, they were calling to offer me the position. I took some time to look over the benefits and ensure that it was really what I wanted, but I promptly called them back and eagerly accepted the position!

Just one year after I finally agreed to open my heart to going wherever God led me, including Colorado, I was proudly announcing that Denver would be my new home.  It still terrifies me, but I see how God has been working in my heart and preparing me each step of the way. I pray that as He continues to open the doors, that I will be faithful in this new chapter, just as He has always been faithful to me!

New beginnings, new adventures, and new opportunities to grow.  I am so blessed that God continues to shower me with His mercy and His grace. Please continue to pray for me as I search for housing and prepare to say goodbye to the only life I have ever really known. I am confident that this is where God is leading me but I am still so sad to say goodbye to so many things that I love. Pray that God will mold me during this time and that I will use this time, the ending of a chapter, to make much of Him.

Baby Beaker's Baby Shower

Dearest Beth,
Words cannot express my joy today.  I am so excited for you and Matt to welcome this little bundle of love into your lives and I cannot wait to meet her, to love on her, to watch her grow. There are seven of us helping host this shower today – six of them have experienced motherhood. Cassie, Erica, Kelly and Maria have welcomed their beautiful children into their lives and have loved and nurtured them for the past weeks and years. Chelsea and Laurie eagerly anticipate the arrival of their little ones with you. I am sure that they all know more about parenting and motherhood than I do. I am sure that they probably have more practical advice and definitely far more knowledgeable experience to share, but Romans 12:15 says to “rejoice with those who rejoice.” So, I might not be the likely choice to speak to you today, but, I am honored to have the opportunity to share in your joy.

There is something about motherhood that changes a person. I am not entirely sure when this change occurs, maybe it is at conception or maybe the moment you realize your pregnant or when you hear that heartbeat for the first time or maybe it is different for each person, but it definitely happens before birth. And that change is something so consuming and so thorough that it alters you at your very soul. Your priorities change and you find yourself willing to take any loss, even physical health, to keep the little tiny person inside of you safe and happy. So Beth, although we have not welcomed “baby beaker,” as I will lovingly refer to her, into this world, I firmly believe you have already entered the world of motherhood. With that being said, you and I now live in two different worlds. I know that someday you will be, at farthest, a phone call away to welcome me into this amazing world, but today, I want to share with you from an outsider’s perspective.

It has been a joy to watch and learn about motherhood from so many wonderful moms, many of whom are in the room today. I could go for a very long time about all the things that I have learned, but because I know that you have learned these same lessons from the very same women, I will only mention a few of my favorites.

Be far more concerned about your child’s heart, then her behavior. It is very natural to be concerned about your child’s behavior, particularly when she is lying on the floor of your local Target while kicking and screaming and everyone is staring at you.  However, if we spend too much time focusing on the outward behavior of our children, then we lose out on a valuable opportunity.  Mark 6:45 says: “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”   Our behavior is only indicative of what is going on in our hearts – this same truth applies to Baby Beaker as well.  Although there are times, like in the middle of Target, you must stop and immediately correct her behavior, remember to take the time and effort to instruct her in the ways of God’s truth, so that her heart will produce the type of behavior that is honoring to God.

You are raising an adult, not a child.  Often times it is easy to focus on getting through “this stage.” They don’t call it the terrible twos for nothing. Sometimes, you have to grab onto the truth that “this too shall pass,” but remember eventually childhood itself passes.  Proverbs 22:6 says: “Train up a child in the way she should go; even when she is old he will not depart from it.” Remember, that ultimately, you are not raising Baby Beaker to be a beautiful five year old, ten year old, or even sixteen year old, but you are raising her to be a godly woman, one who fervently and authentically follows Christ and desires to serve Him with her whole life.

Protect your marriage.  One of my favorite quotes about parenting is from John Wooden, who says, “The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”  Not only is this true for Matt, but it is also true for you. The best thing you can do for Baby Beaker is love and respect Matt and to nurture your marriage. Your marriage, if kept strong and true, will provide the secure environment Baby Beaker needs to feel safe and loved. Take the time and make the effort to love Matt the very best that you can and I encourage him to do the same for you. Worship together, grow together, love deeply, serve your mate, be quick to apologize and don't take your marriage for granted.

Believe in the Power and Possibility of the Future. In her book, Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist talks about how it is perfect it is that the Messiah came as a baby. “Not because of his helplessness, but because of the possibility every baby hold.”  She explains that “babies make us believe in the possibility and power of the future.” It is so true.  Holding a new born baby makes us realize that life is in fact good. That this child will go on to have a future full of endless possibilities, that the hope found in tomorrow is powerful because of the redemption God gives us. Babies give us hope. So on the rough days, when all you want to do is give up, look at your beautiful daughter and realize that God has a plan and a purpose for her life. Her life is the very essence of God’s power for she is, in fact, a miracle, home-grown by God himself and just being her mom opens up new doors and possibilities for your future as well. 

And no matter what, remember that we all love you very much and are here to support you, encourage you, and pray for you as you continue on this beautiful journey of motherhood

Love, Kathryn

a practice as opposed to a feeling

It’s kind of a rough day for me. I am feeling trapped, stuck, unable to move forward. I feel claustrophobic. Reality is sneaking up on me and new plans are not unfolding. God is reminding me to rely on Him, to wait on Him, to trust Him. Today marks the beginning of the end for me. Yesterday, I sat down with my calendar and came to the realization that I only have a month’s worth of four day weekends left. I am looking at the calendar and seeing the increased amount of time on the road commuting to work and the decreased amount of time in the air flying to see friends. Yet, I know that God will provide for the things He wants to accomplish in my life. It’s just hard to accept that it’s not in my timing. God has not forgotten about me, He has not left me in this chapter of my life in vain. He is accomplishing something in my heart and in my life, and maybe He is still accomplishing something through me in this season.

So to quote one of my favorite authors, “I absolutely believe that gratitude is a way of life, a practice as opposed to a feeling, and I want to be the kind of person who chooses to be grateful for what is instead of angry about what isn’t.”

So, I am choosing gratitude. I am choosing to be thankful. Even though I feel like curling up and crying, I am choosing to defend my heart against Satan’s attacks and complacency. God has provided for me. He will continue to provide for me. So instead of mediating on how stuck I feel, I will notice the little things; little things like a great play list in iTunes, text messages from sweet friends in Colorado, coffee this morning with one of my favorites, the dog who follows me around the house with her bone, the beautiful sunshine and spring air, hiking with a long-time friend, inspiring facebook statuses, the house to myself for a couple hours, a purpose and a calling in life, a Savior who came to redeemed my whole life and give me joy abundant. May I honor and glorify Him today!!

Waterskiing in March

There are some things in life that you could have never imagined. Waterskiing in Minnesota in the middle of March is definitely one of those things for me, yet here I sit watching more than one boat out on Fountain Lake pulling a skier. It is a beautiful 79 degrees out; it’s sunny and feels like a perfect June day. Four days ago the lake was still frozen but with the unseasonably warm weather we have had this week, it only took a day or two to completely thaw the lake and now we have boats and skiers. As I sit here and think about how unbelievable this scenario is I am reminded about two very important life lessons.

God loves to surprise us with unthinkable blessings. James 1:17 states, “Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights who does not change.” God loves us, He made us in His image, He made to be just lower than the angels –crowning us with glory and honor (Hebrews 2), and He knows the number of hairs on our head (Luke 12) but yet, I seem to forget that God values me and that it is His desire to bring good into my life. I never doubt the goodness of my earthly father, but how is it that God has to continuously remind me that He only wants good things for me. I love surprises and I definitely love surprising the people I care about. I love simple things like unexpected text messages or receiving flowers for no reason. So, why am I surprised that God loves to surprise us with tokens of His affections? Of course God will give us warm summer days in the middle of March because He loves us and wants to continuously show that love to us. Just as I wasn’t expecting a week of seventy and eighty degree weather in the middle of March, there are a lot of things that God wishes to bless me with that I could not even imagine. It took countless years of freezing my butt off to appreciate what seventy-nine degrees feels like March 16th. So I will choose to surrender to the seasons of cold in my life because I know that God is preparing me to enjoy His surprise of warmth and growth in my future.

Furthermore, the circumstances surrounding my life today do not predict what my life will be tomorrow. Merely four days ago you could not see open water on the lake anywhere other than maybe a foot or two around the shoreline, but now there are boats, water picnics, children wearing shorts and tank tops under their life-jackets, and water skiers. Just because the circumstances surrounding my life look bleak does not mean my future looks bleak. God is the God of the impossible. God is capable of turning dreams into reality. Things may look grim today, but God isn’t willing just to leave things looking grim. He is using the harsh and cruel things in my life to refine me, so that He can create beauty and goodness in me. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.’” It baffles me to think about that. God not only KNOWS my future, He PLANNED it. I do not know what the future holds for me. I know where I think God is calling me and what I think He is calling me to, however when I consider the circumstances, I can easily become discouraged because the opportunities seem dreary and impossible. But in just a few days time, God can change nothing into something very big and very real and very promising.

So I will appreciate the weather this week, not only because I wore a cute skirt and flip-flops as I enjoyed an evening walk in the warm air last night, but because seventy degree weather in March is God’s promise to me that He is not done with me and that the best is yet to come!!

A Story of God's Faithfulness: Friendship and Technology in 2011

Sometimes, most of the time really, I forget how capable God is. I limit God to human abilities. For the majority of my life, I have been guilty of looking at my life and thinking, “It’s hopeless; I might as well give up now.” In 2011, God changed my perspective in a number of ways. He repeatedly blew me away as He revealed to me how truly capable He was. He did this in a number of ways, most which I have shared about on this blog or in person. However, there is one story that has not been told and that is the story I want to tell today.

There is a lot of talk today, particularly in the Christian world, about how social media is destroying relationships. Facebook in particular is often accused of ruining our ability to actually connect with people. The accusation is that instead of friendships, Facebook leaves us with a false sense of knowing someone when really we only know about them. There is good and evil in everything – technology is no different. I have seen bad and painful results from technology, however God has used it for good in my life.

In 2011, God brought four very distinct friendships into my life that were the direct results from technology. They are friendships that are so unique, so richly blessed, so out of the ordinary that only God could have coordinated them. Two of them have crossed state lines, one of them crossed international borders, but all of them have deeply penetrated the walls that I had built around my heart and I know that I will never be the same because of these friendships. I know that these are God’s gifts to me because they are friendships that I never could have forged on my own; they would have been impossible if not for God.

I met these four friends throughout the year, the first one being in April and the last being in December. God knew the order in which these people needed to enter my life. God had a purpose to accomplish in my life through each of these friends and these accomplishments built on each other. I never would have been able to form the last friendship had God not accomplished His will in my life through the first three.

The first friendship is a story all of its own. I have tried to write that story multiple times. Never have I been able to get to write it in less than 4000 words and even then, I have not been able to communicate the way God transformed my heart through that friendship. So that one will continue to wait but today I want to share the stories of the last three.


Kristin Kishaba:
Kristin and I first met in July. We had geared up, along with five other women, to give our good friend, Kara, the best possible last week as a single lady. I felt an instant friendship form with Kristin. I initially felt that this was most likely due to our mutual Midwestern roots or maybe it was the fact that we had both obtained Bachelor’s degrees in Education at colleges in Minnesota. (There is something about the Praxis II that bonds people even without acknowledging that experience.) The entire bridal party was absolutely wonderful and I was thankful that Kristin did not seem intimidated by my overzealous and slightly overbearing personality the week of Kara’s wedding. However, the night before the wedding as the bridesmaids and personal attendant sat around talking, through our conversations, Kristin and I realized we had more in common than we thought. Through the weekend, Kristin continued to take a personal interest in my life and some of the things that were going. The week of the wedding had been filled with text messages, however in the weeks that followed the wedding Kristin returned to her teaching position in Costa Rica where she no longer had cell service. In the months that followed, Kristin and I kept up through Facebook. We sent long messages back and forth keeping the other updated on life and what God was teaching us. When Kristin returned for a brief visit in October, our friendship was just as strong as if we had been living in the same city. Kristin and I knew that we could relate to each other’s past, but we had no idea how God was preparing and blessing us for our futures. It has been six months since Kristin and I met, however, God knew that we would be walking the same path today, a path that is teaching us to completely and exhaustively trust in God. This path would be harsh, lonely, and terrifying if I didn’t have someone to walk it with, someone to help me stand after I have stumbled, someone to encourage me when I am tired, and someone to reassure me that God still has a plan when I forget. It has been an honor to walk this journey of life with someone whose heart is as beautiful as Kristin's. And I am reminded that God will always provide what we need and sometimes those provisions come through something that seems childish like Facebook.

Nicole Youel:
I first met Nicole at a baby shower for my sister about four years ago. The baby shower was being hosted by the young marrieds’ class at my sister’s church which Nicole and her husband had recently started attending. I remember a brief conversation with her, she was sweet and down to earth, easy to talk to but after the shower was over I did not speak to her again until early in 2011. Nicole often subbed for a monthly girls’ Bunco night that I was a part of. We played once or twice together and soon became Facebook friends however I still would have considered her an acquaintance as best. In the middle of July, I received a message from Nicole saying that, although she couldn’t explain it, I had been on her mind frequently and she wanted to let me know she was praying for me. Her note meant a lot to me and in a somewhat unexpected response from myself, I spilled my heart and soul out in my reply. I shared everything that God had been doing in my life, my dreams and fears, my frustrations, and where I felt stuck. I shared with her things I hadn’t even shared with my closest friends. I received a response from Nicole a few days later. While certain things didn’t make sense in our individual stories, it became quite evident that God was completing a good work in our lives when our stories came together. Nicole shared what God had taught her through my response. At the time, Nicole and her husband were waiting to adopt a baby. They had completed the entire process and now were just waiting for a birth mom to pick them to raise her baby. I was humbled and amazed by Nicole’s response, “Please know that I am praying for you each time my heart is heavy and aching for a child.” I cannot explain to you the amount of love I felt through those words, that this woman that I barely knew was dedicated to praying as much for me as she was for the desires of her own heart. Our friendship has continued to grow. We have gone from Facebook messages to coffee dates, phone calls, and long long chats. She pushes me to seek God in my own life through her words and through her example. Her encouragement is often a tonic for my soul and I am blessed to have someone who confirms God’s calling in my life. Nicole and I had known each other for years and even interacted socially however God used Facebook to connect us and teach us both about His goodness and faithfulness in our lives.

Danya Prado:
I am not even sure where to start. Danya and I have never met yet she is one of the biggest encouragements in my life. She knows my heart, my struggles, and my dreams. We live in different time zones, we have never spoken, and we have never even sent a text message to each other. Our entire friendship has been through email and Facebook. Danya and I share one mutual friend. That’s our entire, earthly connection, but God is bigger than that. Danya was having a rough day in the beginning of December. Without my knowledge, our mutual friend forwarded her an email that I had written about a week before hoping it would be an encouragement to her. Danya, in her response to our mutual friend, suggested that I write a book, which is something I had been urged to consider the previous week. So her email was forward to me in attempts to convince me that there were others who thought the same thing. I was blessed by Danya’s email and wanted to encourage her, so that afternoon I took some time to sit down and write to her, sharing with her some of the things I had learned in my own life. And from there our friendship not only took root but bloomed and has not stopped growing. I love Danya’s honesty and willingness to share what God is teaching her, but I also love her ability and willingness to invest in my life. There is a connection between Danya and I that I can only explain as a result of sharing the same creator and savior. I feel privileged to stand next to her when the battle lines of life are drawn and support her in whatever way I can help. And I cannot tell you how comforting it is to know that she is doing the same for me. Her words bring comfort and encouragement into my life in a way that is unique to our friendship and I am blessed to call her my friend. And while email is a prevalent theme in this story, it appears that Facebook really played no part. However, it is important to note that the friendship I share with our one mutual friend was formed solely by God’s faithfulness and Facebook. If it had not been for Facebook, the first friendship never would have existed, and if the first friendship had not existed, I never would have been introduced to Danya.


Only God is great enough to orchestra and coordinate something as elaborate as these friendships, but I love that He is personal enough to know how much I needed them. I am convinced that God will always provide. It is true that my life is hopeless and left on my own I might as well just give up, but I have been redeemed by a God who is so very capable that He can create beauty from ashes and even form friendship from technology.

Enjoying Winter

I enjoyed the snow today. I didn’t so much enjoy during my hour-long morning commute yesterday. I definitely didn’t enjoy it going in and out of patients’ houses in the middle of the night. But today, quite surprisingly, I enjoyed the snow–maybe even the colder temperatures. I have been dreading this season for weeks, wishing and hoping that a winter miracle might occur and we would enjoy the entire season without snow and cold. But while driving across town today, I was so grateful for the snow and how it reminded me that it truly was winter.

Life is like the changing seasons. Each chapter brings a new season and just as most of us spend our time waiting for winter to pass and for spring to come in regards to the weather, we often spend our lives waiting for the signs of new life in our hearts; waiting for the proof that God is still at work in our lives.

Lately, I have been pretending that my life is in the season of spring when really I am in the dead middle of winter. I have been so aware of God’s goodness in my life recently. I feel as if every small blessing is God’s gift directly to me. While some may think this to be haughty of me, I believe that is how God wants us to view our lives. Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights. The warm temperatures and lack of snow this winter were just what I needed to finish up home-improvement projects, pack up, and move out of my house. I was so grateful that God provided for me in that way. All the warm temperatures and rain have made me believe that this is spring. It feels like March and April in Minnesota, shouldn’t it be spring in my life as well??

But as I was driving across town today, I was struck with the feeling of winter. Strangely, it wasn’t a feeling of despair, but a feeling of peace and serenity. It was a time to slow down, a time to hibernate, a time to stay inside and be warm, a time for family and loved ones. In that moment, I realized that God had extended autumn for me. He gave me a beautiful season of closure in Albert Lea. He provided for me and He had poured out His love to me through His people – it was a time in my life as beautiful as the autumn leaves. And now, I anticipated spring. I expected the starting of a new chapter, the wonder of new life and a new season of growth. But, I had forgotten about winter. We all hate winter – but it has its place in the circle of seasons. Nichole Nordeman, in her song Every Season, explains that winter is beautiful because “even now in death, You open doors for life to enter.” God is giving me this season of winter in my life to allow me the time to process, let certain things in my life die so that God gave bring spring into my heart and life.

I had already become weary. I had seen an enormous amount of movement from God in the past year of my life. And after living in Rochester for only two short weeks, I have already started to notice discouragement creep into my heart. Where is God? Why hasn’t He opened the next door? What is my purpose in this season and what does the next chapter hold? It had only been two weeks and I was coming down with a horrible case of spring fever. But I must remind myself that this is not March, it is still the dead of January in the calendar of my life. God has set me in this season and when He is ready to surface the green of spring in my life, He will - but not a moment before He wants to do so. My job is to enjoy winter.

How does one enjoy winter when it comes to the seasons of life? The very same way we enjoy the winter when it comes to the seasons of the year. As the temperatures turn colder and the air becomes crisp, we look forward to early evenings tucked in at home, home-cooked meals, baked goods, fun in snow, delight in the eyes of children when a snow day is announced, and most of all the we enjoy the beauty of a warmth that comes from within even on the coldest of days. God has given me this season of winter and at first it seems dreary and miserably cold, but it is an opportunity to rest, to curl up by the fire place with a good book, to spend time with some wonderful, beautiful, and encouraging friends. It’s a time to hibernate knowing that God still has something big for me – a new opportunity to glorify Him – waiting just around the corner.

What we so often hate about winter is that it seems to last forever, we lose hope that spring will ever come. And I am sure that I will become discouraged about winter at some point, but it is said that “No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn” (Hal Borland). God has a time and purpose for every season and I have two choices during this time. I can chose to focus on how late springs seems to be during this year of my life or I can chose to praise God for the beauty that is found in winter. So, today as I enjoy the snow, I chose to enjoy this season knowing that God has not forgotten and this is the season He has ordained for this time in my life.