Life has been intensely crazy lately. I am increasingly surprised at how fast time flies. Last week, by God's provision, I leased my house out long-term and managed to pack up all of my belongings in only 4 short days. God has opened my eyes to a lot of things in the past several months but especially in the past few weeks; there have been so many things that I have a hard time keeping them all straight in my head. Most of all, God continues to teach me to rely on Him for day-to-day needs and I am truly humbled by how deeply involved God wants to be in my life.
Two weeks ago, I ended a phone conversation feeling confused and overwhelmed by the enormous amount of things running through my head. As I was trying to sort out everything that I was thinking and feeling, I was extremely discouraged. It wasn't a sadness or anxiety, but major discouragement. I learned something about myself that night. I have this entirely horrible habit of labeling things in my life.
In the month of November, while visiting friends in Denver, one of them accused me of focusing too much on labels. My response to this was that labels were not so important to me but rather expectations were. By giving things a title, or a label, you clearly identify what something is, what something is not, and what behaviors are required from those who are involved in that situation. I like knowing what is expected of me. I flourish under structure and expectations give me structure. Now, I don't think that this is a bad thing - in fact, I still think that it is a very good thing to know what others expect from me in various situations of life. However, often times, I set my own expectations about experiences and relationships. When those situations or relationships do not turn out as I expected or anticipated that they would, I am quick to label them with an ugly stamp of "FAILURE." Without giving much thought to the situation or what it was God wanted to accomplish in my life through these circumstances, I quickly cast them aside, regarding them as worthless and labeling them as major failure.
An interesting tidbit of information about this startling behavior in my life is that this is a behavior that I use mostly on myself. I cannot think of a time or situation that I have labeled any of my friends' experiences as “failure” simply because things did not turn out the way either of us had expected. This tidbit of information shows that I still struggle with seeking my value in something other than God; it shows that I am content in believing that as long as I am "successful" in my own expectations then I feel valued. What an atrocious and appalling lie that I have been so quick to believe!! There is so much contentment, satisfaction and joy in being and feeling valued, but feeling valued as a result of a cheap substitute robs me of all of that contentment, satisfaction, and joy. I am not loved because I am valuable - I am valuable because I am loved (and treasured) by the all-powerful God of the universe. When I allow Him to speak truth into my life and seek my value in Him that is the only place I can find contentment and joy. When I seek to find my value in the "success" of my own expectations, I am left feeling empty and discouraged when things to do not go the way I anticipated. When I choose to find my value in God alone, I need not ever be discouraged because my worth never varies. "God expects us to be good stewards of what He has given us but not perfection. He will use your failures just as much as He will use your successes, because without Him - everything is a loss." (Author unknown). You see, my friend, there is no such thing as success or failure when your life is hidden in Christ. God chooses to use everything for our good and His glory when we choose to honor and obey Him with our lives. We may still make mistakes, we will still sin and yes, we will pay the consequences for that sin... but just because something doesn't turn out as you hoped and dreamed it would, doesn't mean that God isn't up to something amazing.
For so long I viewed my life as a road trip. God has equipped me with the things I need like a reliable vehicle, the oil-change, the tire rotation, the fuel, even the snacks. I have viewed myself in the driver’s seat with God in the passenger seat, map in hand, acting as my navigator. And so often I have become frustrated and discouraged when the trip hasn't gone the way I planned (probably because we've had to stop too many times for people to use the bathroom). The scenery isn't what I expected, the distance is longer than I anticipated, I am weary of sitting in the car, and for the life of me I can't find any good music on the radio. But I am learning to see things a different way. Although God does want to navigate my life for me - He has given me this amazing GPS called the Holy Spirit (move aside Garmin). He doesn't need me to drive for Him, He doesn't need me to read the map, He is inviting me to relinquish the wheel and take the passenger seat, to open the sunroof , put on my sunglasses, enjoy the beautiful scenery, feel the warmth of the sunshine and sing along with the radio. He invites me to enjoy the journey if only I will lay my expectations aside and let Him guide the desires of my heart.
God has bigger plans for me than I ever had for myself. The problem is that sometimes I let my expectations and my (selfish) dreams cloud my vision. I don't understand what God is doing so I am quick to stop trusting. But God does not call us to figure out His plan, He calls us to obey. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:9). And as confusing as they ways of God may be "God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." (1 Cor 1:27). A prime example of this is the birth of Christ. As Charlie Sandberg of Faith E-free Church in Ft Collins, CO points out "Jesus' coming was not how anyone expected it to be. Instead of being born in a palace – He was born in a small, damp stable. Instead of coming in glory – He came as a helpless baby. Instead of coming to rule – God came to serve – to rescue – to lay down his life to save your life and my life." The birth of Christ did not meet people's expectations which by my standards would label it as a failure; however, this is not a failure, this is the biggest success of all time. In failing to meet every one's expectations, God still managed to reach down and rescue all of mankind from an eternity spent apart from Him and give us life and joy abundantly.
As you move forward from this Christmas season, I encourage you to enter the New Year by laying down your expectations of 2012 and ask God what He wants to do in you and through you in the year the come!!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Christmas, Expectations and Perceived Failure
Thursday, December 22, 2011
A Story of God's Faithfulness: The Ending of a Chapter
It has been a crazy week for me. On Monday, I agreed to lease my home starting January 1st for the next year and half. While many people are surprised to hear the news that I am leaving Albert Lea, it has been in the works for a while.
In January 2011, I was serving on Crossroad's Leadership Board as well as serving as Interim Coordinator of Youth Ministries at Crossroads Church. We were without a senior pastor as well as a youth pastor and our executive pastor had just announced his resignation. This left our Worship Pastor and Director of Children's Ministries on staff for ministry positions. It was a crazy busy time for the church. I was up to my ears in responsibility and felt very sure that God had called me to Crossroads for this exact time and purpose. I knew that I was suppose to be serving in the capacity that I was. However, it was in January that I began to sense that God was preparing my heart to leave Albert Lea - it was as if a small whisper was repeatedly telling me that my time in Albert Lea was coming to a close. At first I thought the idea was crazy. How could God be calling me away when I was doing exactly what He had called me to?? But the feeling would not subside; it was not over-powering but a sure and steady urging that God was preparing me for something new. By the time March came around, I began to pray daily that God would reveal to me what He desired for my life. In June, I decided that I would continue to pray on the matter but if I still felt that God was calling me out of Albert Lea, then I would put my house on the market in the fall.
September 1st came and I still felt very confident that God wanted me to move forward. I spent the most enjoyable Labor Day weekend in Denver and when I landed at MSP late in the evening on Labor Day, I knew that my house would be going on the market. However, I spent the next several days second guessing myself. ALMC EMS was by far the best job EMS could ever offer me. I loved my co-workers, I loved my job responsibilities and I was good at my job; Was I really ready to give all that up? I spent the week asking God to confirm what it was He wanted for my life. It was on September 12th that my employer announced that they were cutting our 24 hour shifts down to 12 hour shift, thus cutting our salary by nearly fifty percent. And in one quick announcement, the most promising job EMS could ever offer me was gone. I had 6 months to figure out what I was doing and I so clearly saw that God was confirming that my time in Albert Lea was coming to a close. I told God that I was willing to leave to Albert Lea, but that He was going to have to find me a buyer for my house. I reassured myself that God knew the buyer and He knew the timing. I put my house on the market on November 9th - and a month later I still had no showings.
Last Monday it was suggested to me that I should rent my house to Crossroad's new Senior Associate Pastor. I had considered this when I first put my house on the market, however, I naturally assumed that their family of 5 would be looking for a 4 bedroom house. After being informed of the difficulties they were having in finding a suitable home, I began to make a few inquires as to this possibility of renting to them and have felt an ever-increasing peace that this what God wants me to do. This week, we signed a lease and once again God has confirmed that He is calling me out of Albert Lea and provided a way for me.
This week has been a flurry of activity. Somehow (only by the grace of God), I managed to pack up my entire house in 4 days. I have often brought to the brink of tears when I consider the work God has done in my life the past three years. I am humbled by His provisions, His grace, His faithfulness, and His constant presence in my life. I am particularly humbled that He would allow me to serve His Bride, the church, here at Crossroads in Albert Lea. The past three years have contained some of the most difficult and painful experiences of my life, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I am convinced that life's biggest blessing and greatest reward is to be used by God and that is something that God has allowed me to experience. I am humbled that the people here in Albert Lea who have loved me, both at Crossroads and in the EMS department. God is truly good.
I have learned a lot during this season of my life and I would like to take the opportunity to share some of those things. These have been life changing lessons and I am so grateful that God continues to work in my life and heart.
1) God is who He says He is: God is completely sovereign. He is infinite in wisdom. He is perfect in love. Everything that He ordains or allows in our lives is for His glory and our good – His very character and love for us stops Him from allowing anything in our lives that He will not used for our good and His glory.
2) I am who God says I am: My entire worth and value comes from God. It is He who created my heart and He is the one who redeemed it. Without Him, I am nothing. Nothing or anyone in this world has the ability to define me or give me worth. I will never be satisfied or content in life unless I am finding my value in Him. When I seek my value from Him, He will use my life as a mirror to reflect His glory to others around me. I may be the loudest person you know, but I pray that my spirit will that be that of one who is rich in meekness and gentleness.
3) God is deserving of my trust and I am truly capable of trusting Him: God has taken me down an interesting path during this time. A path that has allowed me to experience a great deal of pain and hurt and for a while, I began to doubt His goodness in my life. Why would God call me to something only to have those circumstances break my heart?? But He is has shown me that He is truly good and He will only bring things into my life that will be for my good and His glory. God is not as concerned with our comfort as much as we are. He is willing to allow us to go through trials if they will better us, make us more like Him, and bring us joy as an end result. He has taught me what it means to trust Him and not my own logic. Even when things don’t make sense, He is still trustworthy. Not only has He shown me that He is deserving of my trust but that despite the appearing senseless circumstances of my life, I am still capable of trusting Him.
4) I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength: God has used my time in Albert Lea to show me that I am capable of doing anything that He calls me to do as long as I rely on Him. It may be exhausting. It may be heartbreaking. It may not make any sense of the time. But God calls me to obey and sometimes that means nothing more than one step at a time with a willing heart. He will take care of the rest.
5)Perspective: My perspective changes everything. When I choose to view my life through the lens of truths listed above that means I can rest assured that God is up to something good in my life. So many times in my life I have spent so much time and energy focusing on the East waiting for the sunrise that I have missed the beautiful sunset that God has created in the West. I must change my perspective and learn to match my heart to God’s – it is then that I will see God’s beauty and sovereignty in every situation in my life.
6) Discerning God’s Will: I learned a lot about discerning God’s will during this season of my life. This lesson first became evident in my life during a sermon in which Glen Stevens announced His resignation at Crossroads Church. God began to open my eyes further to this lesson this past year as I listened to His prompting in my life and while hiring a senior associate pastor for Crossroads.
Glen’s message taught me some good practices to apply to my life while trying to discern God’s will in my life.
*Walk with God: Live your life on a day-to-day basis with God. Learning to hear God’s voice comes from spending regular time in his Word. And then pray, pray, pray, pray, and pray some more.
*Walk with others who walk with God: talk to your closest friends (assuming that they are believers), avoid solitary confinement, and get outside advice from people with experience – Proverbs 11:14. Accountability and godly counsel are so important in discerning God’s will for your life.
*Look inside and out: Don’t ignore your feelings but don’t trust them either. Look for evidences of confirmation.
*Obey God: Obey God’s calling when you clearly feel Him convicting you of direction and need to move (Proverbs 3:5-6).
I have also learned that there are four basic principles to consider when trying to discern the will of God. You could call them steps to walk through when considering any decision in your life.
1)Scripture. The will of God will never contradict the Word of God. Scripture is the most important thing you can consult when making decisions. It is far easier to compare things to Scripture when you are in the habit of reading and meditating everyday.
2) Holy Spirit. John 15 describes the Holy Spirit as "the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father." God gives us the Holy Spirit for the very purpose of convicting of His truth. Often times we describe the Holy Spirit as a feeling which can make it difficult to differentiate between the conviction of the Holy Spirit and our own emotions. That is why it is so important to revert back to step one to make sure what you are "feeling" or are convicted of matches with God's Word
3) Godly Counsel: Proverbs 13:20 tells us that those who walk with the wise will be wise. It was never God's plan for us to journey life alone. Matthew 18:20 says, "Whenever two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." God certainly uses other believers to speak truth into our lives.
4) Common Sense: Now while the will of God may not always seem logical, God did give us sound minds and intends for us to use them. If something seems to go against common sense, it is wise to reconsider it... and revert back to steps 1-3. Even the times when God's will does not appear to follow common sense - God usually opens the doors to make it evidently clear what He requires of you.
Because I know many of you will ask, I have no idea what is next. I anticipate that I would continue to work in Albert Lea and commute from Rochester until at least March 14th. I do feel that God is preparing me for something new, in some place new. I am praying and asking God to reveal what that opportunity is for me. In this entire process, God has never revealed more than one step at a time to me. I believe that God is teaching me to trust Him and asking me to step out in obedience. I feel confident that God will reveal what the next chapter in my story looks like in His own timing, but in the mean time I would appreciate your prayers in the matter.
In January 2011, I was serving on Crossroad's Leadership Board as well as serving as Interim Coordinator of Youth Ministries at Crossroads Church. We were without a senior pastor as well as a youth pastor and our executive pastor had just announced his resignation. This left our Worship Pastor and Director of Children's Ministries on staff for ministry positions. It was a crazy busy time for the church. I was up to my ears in responsibility and felt very sure that God had called me to Crossroads for this exact time and purpose. I knew that I was suppose to be serving in the capacity that I was. However, it was in January that I began to sense that God was preparing my heart to leave Albert Lea - it was as if a small whisper was repeatedly telling me that my time in Albert Lea was coming to a close. At first I thought the idea was crazy. How could God be calling me away when I was doing exactly what He had called me to?? But the feeling would not subside; it was not over-powering but a sure and steady urging that God was preparing me for something new. By the time March came around, I began to pray daily that God would reveal to me what He desired for my life. In June, I decided that I would continue to pray on the matter but if I still felt that God was calling me out of Albert Lea, then I would put my house on the market in the fall.
September 1st came and I still felt very confident that God wanted me to move forward. I spent the most enjoyable Labor Day weekend in Denver and when I landed at MSP late in the evening on Labor Day, I knew that my house would be going on the market. However, I spent the next several days second guessing myself. ALMC EMS was by far the best job EMS could ever offer me. I loved my co-workers, I loved my job responsibilities and I was good at my job; Was I really ready to give all that up? I spent the week asking God to confirm what it was He wanted for my life. It was on September 12th that my employer announced that they were cutting our 24 hour shifts down to 12 hour shift, thus cutting our salary by nearly fifty percent. And in one quick announcement, the most promising job EMS could ever offer me was gone. I had 6 months to figure out what I was doing and I so clearly saw that God was confirming that my time in Albert Lea was coming to a close. I told God that I was willing to leave to Albert Lea, but that He was going to have to find me a buyer for my house. I reassured myself that God knew the buyer and He knew the timing. I put my house on the market on November 9th - and a month later I still had no showings.
Last Monday it was suggested to me that I should rent my house to Crossroad's new Senior Associate Pastor. I had considered this when I first put my house on the market, however, I naturally assumed that their family of 5 would be looking for a 4 bedroom house. After being informed of the difficulties they were having in finding a suitable home, I began to make a few inquires as to this possibility of renting to them and have felt an ever-increasing peace that this what God wants me to do. This week, we signed a lease and once again God has confirmed that He is calling me out of Albert Lea and provided a way for me.
This week has been a flurry of activity. Somehow (only by the grace of God), I managed to pack up my entire house in 4 days. I have often brought to the brink of tears when I consider the work God has done in my life the past three years. I am humbled by His provisions, His grace, His faithfulness, and His constant presence in my life. I am particularly humbled that He would allow me to serve His Bride, the church, here at Crossroads in Albert Lea. The past three years have contained some of the most difficult and painful experiences of my life, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I am convinced that life's biggest blessing and greatest reward is to be used by God and that is something that God has allowed me to experience. I am humbled that the people here in Albert Lea who have loved me, both at Crossroads and in the EMS department. God is truly good.
I have learned a lot during this season of my life and I would like to take the opportunity to share some of those things. These have been life changing lessons and I am so grateful that God continues to work in my life and heart.
1) God is who He says He is: God is completely sovereign. He is infinite in wisdom. He is perfect in love. Everything that He ordains or allows in our lives is for His glory and our good – His very character and love for us stops Him from allowing anything in our lives that He will not used for our good and His glory.
2) I am who God says I am: My entire worth and value comes from God. It is He who created my heart and He is the one who redeemed it. Without Him, I am nothing. Nothing or anyone in this world has the ability to define me or give me worth. I will never be satisfied or content in life unless I am finding my value in Him. When I seek my value from Him, He will use my life as a mirror to reflect His glory to others around me. I may be the loudest person you know, but I pray that my spirit will that be that of one who is rich in meekness and gentleness.
3) God is deserving of my trust and I am truly capable of trusting Him: God has taken me down an interesting path during this time. A path that has allowed me to experience a great deal of pain and hurt and for a while, I began to doubt His goodness in my life. Why would God call me to something only to have those circumstances break my heart?? But He is has shown me that He is truly good and He will only bring things into my life that will be for my good and His glory. God is not as concerned with our comfort as much as we are. He is willing to allow us to go through trials if they will better us, make us more like Him, and bring us joy as an end result. He has taught me what it means to trust Him and not my own logic. Even when things don’t make sense, He is still trustworthy. Not only has He shown me that He is deserving of my trust but that despite the appearing senseless circumstances of my life, I am still capable of trusting Him.
4) I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength: God has used my time in Albert Lea to show me that I am capable of doing anything that He calls me to do as long as I rely on Him. It may be exhausting. It may be heartbreaking. It may not make any sense of the time. But God calls me to obey and sometimes that means nothing more than one step at a time with a willing heart. He will take care of the rest.
5)Perspective: My perspective changes everything. When I choose to view my life through the lens of truths listed above that means I can rest assured that God is up to something good in my life. So many times in my life I have spent so much time and energy focusing on the East waiting for the sunrise that I have missed the beautiful sunset that God has created in the West. I must change my perspective and learn to match my heart to God’s – it is then that I will see God’s beauty and sovereignty in every situation in my life.
6) Discerning God’s Will: I learned a lot about discerning God’s will during this season of my life. This lesson first became evident in my life during a sermon in which Glen Stevens announced His resignation at Crossroads Church. God began to open my eyes further to this lesson this past year as I listened to His prompting in my life and while hiring a senior associate pastor for Crossroads.
Glen’s message taught me some good practices to apply to my life while trying to discern God’s will in my life.
*Walk with God: Live your life on a day-to-day basis with God. Learning to hear God’s voice comes from spending regular time in his Word. And then pray, pray, pray, pray, and pray some more.
*Walk with others who walk with God: talk to your closest friends (assuming that they are believers), avoid solitary confinement, and get outside advice from people with experience – Proverbs 11:14. Accountability and godly counsel are so important in discerning God’s will for your life.
*Look inside and out: Don’t ignore your feelings but don’t trust them either. Look for evidences of confirmation.
*Obey God: Obey God’s calling when you clearly feel Him convicting you of direction and need to move (Proverbs 3:5-6).
I have also learned that there are four basic principles to consider when trying to discern the will of God. You could call them steps to walk through when considering any decision in your life.
1)Scripture. The will of God will never contradict the Word of God. Scripture is the most important thing you can consult when making decisions. It is far easier to compare things to Scripture when you are in the habit of reading and meditating everyday.
2) Holy Spirit. John 15 describes the Holy Spirit as "the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father." God gives us the Holy Spirit for the very purpose of convicting of His truth. Often times we describe the Holy Spirit as a feeling which can make it difficult to differentiate between the conviction of the Holy Spirit and our own emotions. That is why it is so important to revert back to step one to make sure what you are "feeling" or are convicted of matches with God's Word
3) Godly Counsel: Proverbs 13:20 tells us that those who walk with the wise will be wise. It was never God's plan for us to journey life alone. Matthew 18:20 says, "Whenever two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." God certainly uses other believers to speak truth into our lives.
4) Common Sense: Now while the will of God may not always seem logical, God did give us sound minds and intends for us to use them. If something seems to go against common sense, it is wise to reconsider it... and revert back to steps 1-3. Even the times when God's will does not appear to follow common sense - God usually opens the doors to make it evidently clear what He requires of you.
Because I know many of you will ask, I have no idea what is next. I anticipate that I would continue to work in Albert Lea and commute from Rochester until at least March 14th. I do feel that God is preparing me for something new, in some place new. I am praying and asking God to reveal what that opportunity is for me. In this entire process, God has never revealed more than one step at a time to me. I believe that God is teaching me to trust Him and asking me to step out in obedience. I feel confident that God will reveal what the next chapter in my story looks like in His own timing, but in the mean time I would appreciate your prayers in the matter.
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