Looking Forward and Looking Present

I have been wanting to blog for a couple weeks now, but unfortunately, I can't turn my laptop on. The power button is broken and today, while playing around with it to see if I could turn it on, I actually busted the power button all the way off. Smooth move, Ex-lax!! So, while my roommate is having dinner with a friend and then hanging out with her boyfriend - I am using her computer.. haha!! So, this blog will be rough as I get the hang of this whole Mac thing.


Lately, the future as been on my mind quite a bit. If you want to see a full-on panic attack, ask me where I see myself in five years. My answer will probably be in the form of a swift kick to your shins. I have no idea where I am gonna be in five years. I wish I did. I wish I knew where I wanted to be in five years. I wish I had a goal that I was working towards. I have thought about grad school, career changes, pay cuts. I have researched and dreamed, so much that it makes my heart ache because I want to know where I am going. The truth is, I don't know. I don't know where my life is going or how to prepare myself for the next stage. I am planner. I don't like being caught by surprise or being unprepared or unorganized. It makes me feel stupid and inadequate. I can feel the panic build up inside as I type about it, bringing tears to my eyes. The enemy knows my weakness so well. He knows just how to hit me. I am terrified that I won't ever move forward, that I will be stuck in this season forever. But then God whispers...

"Be Still and Know that I am God"

It is not my job to plan, it is responsibility my job to figure it out, it is not my obligation to answer the 5-year-plan questions. I only have to be still and recognize that God is God. He will redeem and purpose my life in His perfect timing.  

So instead, I want to share some of my favorite things about this season of my life.  Some of them have to do with my job, some my friends, some my faith. So join me as I count my blessings...

1) my absolutely favorite thing about my job is, hands-down, the air-horn. I am not talking about the little button located right next to the "manual" button on the siren that makes a angry growl when you hit it... nope, these are real, authentic, genuine air-horns with an air-compressor, foot-pedal, and all. I have never felt more powerful driving code-10 than I do whenever I BLAST that thing in the middle of standstill traffic.

2) A close second is the siren subwoofers. (You can read more here: http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_20725134/denver-ambulance-subwoofers-pound-out-noise-move-motorists)

3) I am getting to know my co-workers and I am learning to love them. After being patched for close to a month, I am starting to work shifts with repeat partners. Working with a new partner is like a 10 hour first date. Lots of "where are you from? how long have you been a paramedic? what do you like to do for fun." Really, everyone hates first dates... but now that I have got to work a few "second dates," I am actually having a lot of fun getting to know the people I work with.

4) My Roommate. Almost two months ago, my friend Amanda was matched for her residency in Greeley, CO. This meant that she couldn't sign a lease in Denver and she needed a place to live until she finished medical school.  I had been thinking about asking Amanda if she wanted to stay in my spare room, when she half-jokingly brought it up one night. We worked out of arrangements and she moved in 10 days later. At first, I really just thought I was doing her a favor, but she has quickly become one of my favorite things about this stage of life. We laugh a lot and we cry sometimes too. She doesn't seem to mind that I never take the garbage out or sometimes leave my dishes stack in the sink for days. I often find myself running late because it is so easy to sit around and talk to her instead of getting ready to leave. She is a blessing and I will be so sad to see her leave.

5) Harvest Bible Chapel - Denver. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Harvest - Denver. I love Jeff Schwarzentraub's preaching and I ADORE my small group. Harvest has made Denver home. And if you want to hear some great preaching, I encourage you to check out www.harvestdenver.org

6) Kristin Kishaba. Kristin is a kindred spirit who is an encouragement to me weekly. She is kind and generous and full of wise counsel. I appreciate her heart and I am so grateful that I get to walk this season of life with her.

7) Tara Rehrig.  Tara is possibly the funniest person I have met. We always cause a ruckus when we are together out in public. She is sarcastic and witty. A cheerful heart is good medicine, right??  Tara is bold and wonderful and again, I am blessed to walk this season of life with her.

Seven is a good number, right?? I think I will stop at lucky number seven.  Maybe someday soon I will know what the future looks like, but for now I will remember to look to the present and be thankful for the blessings God has given me today. He will be faithful again tomorrow and His five-year plan includes being faithful to me then.

Back in the Saddle

So, I have been MIA in the blogging world for the past seven months!! I have wanted to blog but it never feels right when I sit down to type. Tonight is no different. Blogging use to be so natural, so easy. I want to keep writing. Writing makes me better, it gives me a better perspective and always gives me a chance to reflect on what God is doing in my life. So, even though it feels a little funny, I am powering through and posting a blog. It probably won't be my favorite post, but it will get me back on track and writing again!

I didn't mean to take a break from blogging. Life just got crazy. Since my last blog, I packed up all of my belongings in a Budget Moving truck and moved to Colorado. It has been a challenging and growing experience, but in all honesty, I haven't seen a lot of the results of that growth. God is stretching me and continues to place me outside my comfort zone... and frankly, it is painful and so very humbling.

The word change has been on my mind a lot this week. Everything has changed. My heart aches for 24 hour shifts, four-day weekends, drives around the lake, long chats with co-workers, "crack-pot" meals, and landing helicopters on the interstate. Heck, I think I even miss Dusty-Bottoms telling me that I am pale and pastey. I miss PD stopping by to eat in my kitchen. I miss my family and my house. I miss my co-workers being my neighbors. I miss my youth group kids. 

Change is so peculiar because while it feels quite bitter, it leaves me with such sweet memories. As I evaluate things that are changing in my life currently, a phrase from 2 Corinthians 3:18 continues to run through my head, "changed from glory to glory."  I honestly don't even know the context of that verse, but God has used that phrase to remind me that change is a requirement in our lives, not only because that is simply how life goes, but also because it is the changes in our day-to-day lives that push us towards and makes us more like the one constant, never-changing thing: God. 

I have often said that my favorite characteristic about God is that He is constant. Change is bittersweet. God uses it for our good, but thankfully, He never changes. He is here with me in Denver just as He was in Albert Lea and in Rochester. He is the same God that blessed me with a wonderful family and amazing co-workers back in Minnesota... and He will remain faithful as I find my place in Colorado.