On Wednesday evening, I was lucky enough to host dinner for 10 of the loveliest ladies that reside in Freeborn County. Since purchasing my home in 2008, there are few meals that have been cooked in my kitchen in which I have not complained about the size of my oven. I mean seriously, who installs an oven that isn't large enough for a standard size cookie sheet!!! Through the evening I began to mentally list off the dreams I had - like a bigger oven as I was trying to figure out how to cook five homemade pizzas, like a big and open kitchen to accommodate the ten women who were socializing with me while I was cooking, like a full size dinning room table that would seat twelve. It struck me then that sometimes God calls us to sacrifice certain dreams in order to bless us with the fulfillment of bigger dreams. I will never have a big and spacious kitchen as long as I live in this house, but yet I am so easily upset at the thought of selling it. As I continue to learn to trust God for the day to day as well as for my future, I am learning to see things from a different perspective. God wants to give me good things, but I am too busy balking at the fact that He calls me to sacrifice the smaller things I have now. This thought gave me a great deal of peace - God doesn't want to strip me of the things I love just to leave me hurting and broken, but rather He loves me enough to allow me to go through a painful season of loss in order to bless me so He can fulfill bigger dreams.
The next evening, I had quickly stopped at home after having a wonderful night with my Bunco Ladies!! I wanted to borrow a few things from my dad's garage to get a jump start on some weekend projects. As I followed my dad out to the garage, I began listing off all of the things I wanted to borrow including the shop-vac. He began gathering things from every corner of the garage and he handed me a leaf blower. Now knowing my dad, I figured he had some funny joke to go along with why he was handing me a leaf blower, but instead he said "You said you wanted to borrow the shop-vac, right??" It reminded me of Matthew 7:9-12.
Matthew 7:9-12 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
In the past month, this verse has been brought to my attention many times. This verse has had a great deal of significance for a friend of mine and I hadn't given much thought of its importance in my life until this situation. Here I was asking my dad to borrow the shop-vac and he handed me a leaf-blower. But just as the verse said, even our earthly fathers know to give us good things. I watched as my dad took the leaf-blower and with a quick removal of a nozzle, he turned the motor to its side, securely placed it in the canister and thus turning what appeared to be a leaf-blower into a shop-vac.
So many times in my life, I have gotten frustrated and discouraged in my walk with God because it doesn't appear that He is giving me good things. The perfect example of this is my frustration, discouragement, and bitterness that came with the loss of hours and loss of income at my current job. I had asked God for good things and this is what happened. I had asked him for a loaf a bread and when He began to prepare my life to give me that loaf of bread, I became angry and refused to let go of the stone I was holding. I look back and see how often I have done this in my life, blindly trusting my logic rather than trusting God. To put it in humanly terms, I cannot imagine how many times God the Father and God the Son have looked down at me and asked God the Holy Spirit, "What is that girl doing now?? Why is she holding that giant rock??" Only for God the Spirit to say "She thinks it's a loaf of bread!"
Thankfully God remains faithful to us even when we are not faithful to Him. He continues to extend grace and pour out a mountain of blessings on me. He has worked to break down the frustration, discouragement and bitterness in my heart. As a result, I can now see that it is me who has failed him and never the other way around. God waits for me to respond to His calling and leading in my life and as I continue to fight to lay down my selfishness and my pride, I can see that truly He is the giver of all good things. I am learning to let go, to hold my dreams with an open hand. And if God chooses to remove things from my life I know that it is only because He has bigger plans for me than I have for myself.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Load Up the Ark and Learn to Walk on Water
The week of September 12th has been a rough one for me as well as many of my co-workers. On Monday, my employer announced that they were cutting each of our hours. Since I was hired in 2005, we have been working 24-hour shifts. It was announced that, system wide, 24-hour shifts were being eliminated, thus decreasing some FTEs by nearly fifty percent. As one might imagine, that is a huge pay cut for us.
I was quite surprised by my reaction. You see, this wasn't a huge surprise for any of us. We all knew eventually this was coming. Nationally 24-hour shifts are being eliminated because of the liability and risk that comes along with them - but we thought we had a year or two before it happened. However, when our staff meeting was mysteriously moved up a week - we knew there was going to be some "bomb dropped" and we all expected that it would be announcement that 12 hour shifts were being implemented. I had several conversations with many co-workers as well as a few close friends about the countless possibilities that this news could bring. I felt prepared. However, when the actual announcement was made and management stated that there was no plan in place to compensate us for our loss of income - I was overwhelmed. I spent the majority of the day in tears trying understand how my whole world had come crashing down in one single announcement. The meeting had started off like any other - but at the end, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I no longer had any idea where I stood in the world.
But there is more to this story... Let's rewind back to January. At the beginning of the year, I was up to my elbows in responsibility and things that needed to be accomplished. There seemed to be no end in sight. Every where I turned, there were things that required my attention and it had become more and more evident that God has placed me in Albert Lea for an exact time and purpose. Yet, in the midst of all of this, I felt that God was preparing me to leave Albert Lea. When, I was unsure. Why, no clue. For what, not the faintest idea. But, I felt that God was telling me that my time was coming to a close. At first, it all seemed a bit odd, but God continued to confirm to me repeatedly, even throughout this past summer, that my time in Albert Lea was in fact coming to an end.
I was prepared to put my house on the market this fall and wait for what God had me to do. But recently, I have begin to doubt myself. I have always known that I would never find a better job in EMS than the one I have in Albert Lea. Was I really ready to sacrifice that?? Was this really God's will?? Maybe I should hold off until I had something else lined up. I continued to ask God to confirm and reveal what His plans were for me... and then Monday happened. My world fell apart. I have spent hours in tears over this announcement. I love my house. I love my job. I love my co-workers. I love helping people. I love having a job that I excel at. I love being confident enough in what I am doing that I can bring comfort to patients and their families. I love the professional relationships I have with nurses and doctors. I love the things I have learned in this job - things that no other EMS job would have offered me. At 26 years of age, my life looks so different than I ever thought it would look - but the thing I took solace in was that God has blessed me with a job that exceeded my expectations of a career and a beautiful house to call home. Now, that job no longer offers the income I need to pay the bills and I can no longer afford my house payment.
At first glance, it seems overwhelming and discouraging. However, there is hope to be found in the second glance. God has been preparing my heart for this and when I began to doubt myself - God confirmed that my time in Albert Lea is coming to a close. I just thought that God would bring the next opportunity to my doorstep, before He removed the current one.
I was reading in Genesis 6. Most of us know the story of Noah and his Ark... but I found comfort in his story today. God tells Noah - "Listen up, I'm about to flood this earth, so I want you to build a big 'ol boat, take your wife, your sons, your sons' wives, and why you're at it - 2 of every kind of creature on the face of the earth... load them into the big boat along with enough food to feed you all and then I am gonna destroy everything on Earth." (obvious paraphrase). Noah did not know what would come of him, his family and all these animals after this. Noah did not know what would happen next, he did not have a detailed plan for himself, his wife and their children. He did not know what the future would hold - but yet, God gave a command and Noah obey and God did not fail him.
It is often said that you will never walk on water until you get out of the boat. God is commanding me to get out of the boat. And in the midst of this situation, I can make the decision to trust God. There is a difference between reluctantly accepting something because there is no other option and making a conscious effort to trust God because I believe that He is wise, good, and sovereign. God is still in control and I continue to see how He has prepared me for this time. Today, I found a note written in a draft of an email on phone that was a small tidbit of a sermon I heard in July. The note said this "Ps. 37:7. An unknown future is the only guarantee for me. Will I go where God calls me??" Even back in July - God was preparing me because He knew that I was going to need to follow Him into the scariest of circumstances - the unknown.
My first purpose in life has always been and will always be to bring glory to God. One of my favorite authors recently made a statement in her blog that hit home with me, "There’s little glory found in sailing a boat through quiet waters." If I long to bring God glory, I must be willing navigate and sail through troubled waters and when He calls, I must be willing to step out of the boat even when I cannot fathom what good might come out of it.
Psalm 37:7 ~ Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
I was quite surprised by my reaction. You see, this wasn't a huge surprise for any of us. We all knew eventually this was coming. Nationally 24-hour shifts are being eliminated because of the liability and risk that comes along with them - but we thought we had a year or two before it happened. However, when our staff meeting was mysteriously moved up a week - we knew there was going to be some "bomb dropped" and we all expected that it would be announcement that 12 hour shifts were being implemented. I had several conversations with many co-workers as well as a few close friends about the countless possibilities that this news could bring. I felt prepared. However, when the actual announcement was made and management stated that there was no plan in place to compensate us for our loss of income - I was overwhelmed. I spent the majority of the day in tears trying understand how my whole world had come crashing down in one single announcement. The meeting had started off like any other - but at the end, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I no longer had any idea where I stood in the world.
But there is more to this story... Let's rewind back to January. At the beginning of the year, I was up to my elbows in responsibility and things that needed to be accomplished. There seemed to be no end in sight. Every where I turned, there were things that required my attention and it had become more and more evident that God has placed me in Albert Lea for an exact time and purpose. Yet, in the midst of all of this, I felt that God was preparing me to leave Albert Lea. When, I was unsure. Why, no clue. For what, not the faintest idea. But, I felt that God was telling me that my time was coming to a close. At first, it all seemed a bit odd, but God continued to confirm to me repeatedly, even throughout this past summer, that my time in Albert Lea was in fact coming to an end.
I was prepared to put my house on the market this fall and wait for what God had me to do. But recently, I have begin to doubt myself. I have always known that I would never find a better job in EMS than the one I have in Albert Lea. Was I really ready to sacrifice that?? Was this really God's will?? Maybe I should hold off until I had something else lined up. I continued to ask God to confirm and reveal what His plans were for me... and then Monday happened. My world fell apart. I have spent hours in tears over this announcement. I love my house. I love my job. I love my co-workers. I love helping people. I love having a job that I excel at. I love being confident enough in what I am doing that I can bring comfort to patients and their families. I love the professional relationships I have with nurses and doctors. I love the things I have learned in this job - things that no other EMS job would have offered me. At 26 years of age, my life looks so different than I ever thought it would look - but the thing I took solace in was that God has blessed me with a job that exceeded my expectations of a career and a beautiful house to call home. Now, that job no longer offers the income I need to pay the bills and I can no longer afford my house payment.
At first glance, it seems overwhelming and discouraging. However, there is hope to be found in the second glance. God has been preparing my heart for this and when I began to doubt myself - God confirmed that my time in Albert Lea is coming to a close. I just thought that God would bring the next opportunity to my doorstep, before He removed the current one.
I was reading in Genesis 6. Most of us know the story of Noah and his Ark... but I found comfort in his story today. God tells Noah - "Listen up, I'm about to flood this earth, so I want you to build a big 'ol boat, take your wife, your sons, your sons' wives, and why you're at it - 2 of every kind of creature on the face of the earth... load them into the big boat along with enough food to feed you all and then I am gonna destroy everything on Earth." (obvious paraphrase). Noah did not know what would come of him, his family and all these animals after this. Noah did not know what would happen next, he did not have a detailed plan for himself, his wife and their children. He did not know what the future would hold - but yet, God gave a command and Noah obey and God did not fail him.
It is often said that you will never walk on water until you get out of the boat. God is commanding me to get out of the boat. And in the midst of this situation, I can make the decision to trust God. There is a difference between reluctantly accepting something because there is no other option and making a conscious effort to trust God because I believe that He is wise, good, and sovereign. God is still in control and I continue to see how He has prepared me for this time. Today, I found a note written in a draft of an email on phone that was a small tidbit of a sermon I heard in July. The note said this "Ps. 37:7. An unknown future is the only guarantee for me. Will I go where God calls me??" Even back in July - God was preparing me because He knew that I was going to need to follow Him into the scariest of circumstances - the unknown.
My first purpose in life has always been and will always be to bring glory to God. One of my favorite authors recently made a statement in her blog that hit home with me, "There’s little glory found in sailing a boat through quiet waters." If I long to bring God glory, I must be willing navigate and sail through troubled waters and when He calls, I must be willing to step out of the boat even when I cannot fathom what good might come out of it.
Psalm 37:7 ~ Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
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