So, feeling emotionally exhausted, I decided to start off the week with a 32 hour shift!! (Smart, huh?) I went straight from work, to the voting poll, to a youth leaders training in the cities - which was very good. It wasn't until 10:30 at night that I returned to the city of Albert Lea and still needed to spend an hour or two in the office. My plate was full. Satan was pounding me down telling me that I was failing at the task that God has given me, my flesh so desperately wanted me to give up and just forgot the difficulties of trying to manage a more-then-full-time job and youth ministry and just go back to when I could enjoy my days off by taking long naps (my favorite hobby), walking my dog, going to the gym, and focusing on myself. I was a mess - and so I showed up on the Stadhiem's door step sharing my heart with the someone who knows EXACTLY I am I at. After an hour and half of crying with Sarah, I pulled it together (even feeling somewhat refreshed) and made my way into the office to do somework.
Today, I am back on the ambulance - utterly exhausted. I have a list longer than I even know that needs to be completely tomorrow. I am not sure when I am going to get it all done, because most of my days is booked up with meetings. But, I came across this verse tonight.
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
Hebrews 10:35-36
This last week in CSI we talked about meekness. You could ask any of my students and they would tell you that meekness is strength under control. Our confidence and strength comes from God. He made it very clear to me that I am to be where I am - despite whether I think it is an easy road. In July, when I was telling myself I was crazy for even thinking that I felt God was convicting me to move forward with youth ministry, I spent a lot of time praying "God if this is your will, make it undeniably clear." He convicted me of His Will through a speaker and the book of Acts.
From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. Acts 17:26-27
God placed me in Albert Lea, MN at this exact season of my life so that others (and myself) would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and FIND HIM. That is my confidence; that is what I must cling to, despite the fact that I am weary and tired, that is why I must perserve... This is what God has called me to and I must serve Him faithfully or what purpose do I have in this life.
I know that there are many out there who are like me - exhausted, weary, and ready to give up. But I encourage you, Don't throw away your confidence for you will be richly reward.
Serving Him,
Kate
