So, I should really be packing and getting ready to hit the road for Rochester. However, I have had this urge to blog the past few days but couldn't seem to find the words to what express what has been on my heart this week. But, tonight, as I should be eagerly preparing to go home, something beckons me to sit and write. This blog could be very messy and I appologize ahead of time if my words do not seem well thought out.
Lately, I have had this overwhelming heaviness in my heart that I just don't belong. I feel like I am lacking a community or fellowship. Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing family, belong and am involved in a super great church, and I work some fantastic (well, most of the time) people. I have more than a lot of people have - but yet, I can't shake the feeling that I just don't know where my place is.
At times, I feel extremely discouraged about this. As I look around and see all my friends marrying the person who suits and completes them the way God intended and now, as I start to watch them welcome babies into their families, I can't help but feel like I am alone. Although, they love me dearly and accept me as I am, I am now at a completely different place in life than some of my closest friends. I can't help but wonder, "God, where do I fit in and how do you want to use this season in my life." There are times, I feel like I am the only one who feels like this... but turn on any Christian radio station and I am reminded that I am not. Even years ago, Michael W. Smith told us all that he was just looking for his place in this world.
As I wonder, pray, and struggle through the situation - which, of course, has included a lot tears - I remember the words from a hymn that I learned as a kid.
"This world is not home, I'm just passing through
If Heaven's not my home, oh Lord, what will I do.
The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door,
and I can't feel at home in this world anymore."
It makes me stop and wonder. How many of God's people felt like strangers in a foreign land. Even Christ himself, although surround by 12 men who wanted to in His company, surely felt like a stranger as He was wrapped in flesh and became man. God desires for us to be part of a community of believers, but this world is not home. In 2 Corinthians 5, Paul talks about how this earthly life is like a tent, merely a temporary dwelling... but in Heaven we will live an eternal houses. This life is meant to be temporary and if we don't always feel like we belong here, it is because this world is not my home. And while, I may be tempted to try to find ways to be more comfortable here, I am also remember that I am to store up treasures in Heaven and not to worry about making myself more comfortable here.
So, as I wait and seek God's will for the day to day in my life, I covet your prayers; and I remember these words:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
