I think nearly every one of us has a time in their life that they can identify as truly miserable. A time that seemed dark and black, where all hope seemed lost. A time that drags on forever and seems that it will never end. A time where all you want to do is just give up, a time when you can't imagine carrying on, but then the sun comes up every morning and life continues.. and you face each day unsure of how you will make it through but somehow you always survive.
For me, that time began the summer of 2008. In the spring I had met the most charming man and before I knew it, he had swept me off of my feet. I had no idea that life could be so wonderful. Everything seemed so fantastic, it seemed like a fairy tale. However, there was a glitch. Somewhere along the way, things got messy and the picture was no longer so clear. I still had a good thing within my reach, but was it really as great as I once thought?? Maybe I had misread the situation?? Maybe this wasn't God's will for me after all?? I began to pray about it and asked God to reveal to me what He wanted me to do. I specifically began praying that God would show me whether I should walk away from this situation or stick it out. This same weekend, I attended a Beth Moore conference with my mom and my sister. It was at the end of the last session, that Beth said something that struck me so strongly that I could not ignore it. She was talking about those in the audience who were walking through a valley of heartache or confusion and she said "I don't know what that valley is, but I promise you, if you persevere through this, there will be a blessing so big on the other side of it, it will not even compare to the suffering you are experiencing now." I felt the Holy Spirit stir in my heart and I felt peace that God wanted me to wait the situation out and see what He would do with it.
This situation went on for two more years and it never seemed to resolve. Many of the people in my life did not understand why I didn't just walk away from it. Finally, I did.. I walked away from the situation telling myself that God would handle it. I walked away 3 times before I made my final exit. It was a devastating time in my life. It hurt so badly. There seemed no hope. I just wanted to be myself again, but yet I didn't know how. I continued to ask myself again and again, "where is God in all of this?" Although I never voiced the words, my heart repeatedly asked "God - why did you have me walk down this path if all it was going to do was break my heart?" Although I was not aware of it, there was a part of me that became rebellious. Please understand, I was still actively seeking God. I knew that God was faithful and He had a plan for me.. but just because I knew that, didn't mean I truly believed it. In my hurt and in my anger, I began to doubt God's goodness in my life. I felt betrayed. I had trusted, I had obeyed... and when it was all said and done, I felt that I was broken and an empty shell of who God created me to be. Those around me watched in agony - it was incredibly painful for those who loved me as well as myself.
There came a day in this story where I went from indirectly hurting the people I cared about to the time I hurt one of them very directly. I remember standing at the doorstep of a dear friend, sobbing, begging for forgiveness. It was in that moment, I realized that I was allowing this situation to change me into someone I never wanted to be, someone I knew that God did not want me to be. It was that day that I knew I had to make my final exit.
The days and weeks that followed were hard. I was so confused. I didn't understand. I knew that God promised to use all things for good in my life, but I saw no results from that. After two years of questioning myself, my relationship with God and God himself, I finally had to tell myself that I had to accept things for the way they were and accept that I plain and simply did not understand. I resigned myself to submitting to God's will and surrendering all of the heartache to Him even though it seem unfair.
It has been 18 months since I made that decision and it wasn't until this week that I finally realized that God knew what He was doing all along. It did not take me long to be thankful that I was removed from the previous situation, but it wasn't until this week that I finally realized that there was a blessing that was greater than any of the pain I had suffered through.
You see, I think nearly every one of us has a time in their life that they can identify as truly miserable. If I had never suffered through my own misery, I would not be able to provide the encouragement for the ones in my life while they are going through their own misery. I understand what it's like when a friend tells me that she still misses him even though it has been six months, I understand when a friend tells me that the future seems desperately painful and hopeless. I understand what its like when God's goodness seems impossible to comprehend. I understand when a friend chooses to stick with something even when that decision makes no sense to anyone else. I have known heartache and therefore I can share in heartache.
Now, some of you may think that this doesn't really seem like that great of a blessing. But God created me to love others, to care for others, to encourage others... and through this situation He has prepared me to comfort His hurting children. Through this season of heartache and misery, He has equipped me to extend my reach and provide encouragement in ways that I would have otherwise been unable to do. What bigger blessing is there then to be used by God??
Some of you may be struggling right now. Some of you may be going through that truly miserable time in life. But, my God has promised comfort to those who are hurting and He has promised to do all things for His glory and our good. I promise you, if you presevere through this trial - seeking God's will in your life - there will be a blessing so great on the other side of this valley that it will not even compare to the heartache you are experiencing now. Maybe that blessing will look a lot like mine or maybe it will look a lot different, but regardless of the end result you need to know that God has not forgotten you and He does not allow you to walk through this valley in vain.
