Life has been intensely crazy lately. I am increasingly surprised at how fast time flies. Last week, by God's provision, I leased my house out long-term and managed to pack up all of my belongings in only 4 short days. God has opened my eyes to a lot of things in the past several months but especially in the past few weeks; there have been so many things that I have a hard time keeping them all straight in my head. Most of all, God continues to teach me to rely on Him for day-to-day needs and I am truly humbled by how deeply involved God wants to be in my life.
Two weeks ago, I ended a phone conversation feeling confused and overwhelmed by the enormous amount of things running through my head. As I was trying to sort out everything that I was thinking and feeling, I was extremely discouraged. It wasn't a sadness or anxiety, but major discouragement. I learned something about myself that night. I have this entirely horrible habit of labeling things in my life.
In the month of November, while visiting friends in Denver, one of them accused me of focusing too much on labels. My response to this was that labels were not so important to me but rather expectations were. By giving things a title, or a label, you clearly identify what something is, what something is not, and what behaviors are required from those who are involved in that situation. I like knowing what is expected of me. I flourish under structure and expectations give me structure. Now, I don't think that this is a bad thing - in fact, I still think that it is a very good thing to know what others expect from me in various situations of life. However, often times, I set my own expectations about experiences and relationships. When those situations or relationships do not turn out as I expected or anticipated that they would, I am quick to label them with an ugly stamp of "FAILURE." Without giving much thought to the situation or what it was God wanted to accomplish in my life through these circumstances, I quickly cast them aside, regarding them as worthless and labeling them as major failure.
An interesting tidbit of information about this startling behavior in my life is that this is a behavior that I use mostly on myself. I cannot think of a time or situation that I have labeled any of my friends' experiences as “failure” simply because things did not turn out the way either of us had expected. This tidbit of information shows that I still struggle with seeking my value in something other than God; it shows that I am content in believing that as long as I am "successful" in my own expectations then I feel valued. What an atrocious and appalling lie that I have been so quick to believe!! There is so much contentment, satisfaction and joy in being and feeling valued, but feeling valued as a result of a cheap substitute robs me of all of that contentment, satisfaction, and joy. I am not loved because I am valuable - I am valuable because I am loved (and treasured) by the all-powerful God of the universe. When I allow Him to speak truth into my life and seek my value in Him that is the only place I can find contentment and joy. When I seek to find my value in the "success" of my own expectations, I am left feeling empty and discouraged when things to do not go the way I anticipated. When I choose to find my value in God alone, I need not ever be discouraged because my worth never varies. "God expects us to be good stewards of what He has given us but not perfection. He will use your failures just as much as He will use your successes, because without Him - everything is a loss." (Author unknown). You see, my friend, there is no such thing as success or failure when your life is hidden in Christ. God chooses to use everything for our good and His glory when we choose to honor and obey Him with our lives. We may still make mistakes, we will still sin and yes, we will pay the consequences for that sin... but just because something doesn't turn out as you hoped and dreamed it would, doesn't mean that God isn't up to something amazing.
For so long I viewed my life as a road trip. God has equipped me with the things I need like a reliable vehicle, the oil-change, the tire rotation, the fuel, even the snacks. I have viewed myself in the driver’s seat with God in the passenger seat, map in hand, acting as my navigator. And so often I have become frustrated and discouraged when the trip hasn't gone the way I planned (probably because we've had to stop too many times for people to use the bathroom). The scenery isn't what I expected, the distance is longer than I anticipated, I am weary of sitting in the car, and for the life of me I can't find any good music on the radio. But I am learning to see things a different way. Although God does want to navigate my life for me - He has given me this amazing GPS called the Holy Spirit (move aside Garmin). He doesn't need me to drive for Him, He doesn't need me to read the map, He is inviting me to relinquish the wheel and take the passenger seat, to open the sunroof , put on my sunglasses, enjoy the beautiful scenery, feel the warmth of the sunshine and sing along with the radio. He invites me to enjoy the journey if only I will lay my expectations aside and let Him guide the desires of my heart.
God has bigger plans for me than I ever had for myself. The problem is that sometimes I let my expectations and my (selfish) dreams cloud my vision. I don't understand what God is doing so I am quick to stop trusting. But God does not call us to figure out His plan, He calls us to obey. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:9). And as confusing as they ways of God may be "God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." (1 Cor 1:27). A prime example of this is the birth of Christ. As Charlie Sandberg of Faith E-free Church in Ft Collins, CO points out "Jesus' coming was not how anyone expected it to be. Instead of being born in a palace – He was born in a small, damp stable. Instead of coming in glory – He came as a helpless baby. Instead of coming to rule – God came to serve – to rescue – to lay down his life to save your life and my life." The birth of Christ did not meet people's expectations which by my standards would label it as a failure; however, this is not a failure, this is the biggest success of all time. In failing to meet every one's expectations, God still managed to reach down and rescue all of mankind from an eternity spent apart from Him and give us life and joy abundantly.
As you move forward from this Christmas season, I encourage you to enter the New Year by laying down your expectations of 2012 and ask God what He wants to do in you and through you in the year the come!!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Christmas, Expectations and Perceived Failure
Thursday, December 22, 2011
A Story of God's Faithfulness: The Ending of a Chapter
It has been a crazy week for me. On Monday, I agreed to lease my home starting January 1st for the next year and half. While many people are surprised to hear the news that I am leaving Albert Lea, it has been in the works for a while.
In January 2011, I was serving on Crossroad's Leadership Board as well as serving as Interim Coordinator of Youth Ministries at Crossroads Church. We were without a senior pastor as well as a youth pastor and our executive pastor had just announced his resignation. This left our Worship Pastor and Director of Children's Ministries on staff for ministry positions. It was a crazy busy time for the church. I was up to my ears in responsibility and felt very sure that God had called me to Crossroads for this exact time and purpose. I knew that I was suppose to be serving in the capacity that I was. However, it was in January that I began to sense that God was preparing my heart to leave Albert Lea - it was as if a small whisper was repeatedly telling me that my time in Albert Lea was coming to a close. At first I thought the idea was crazy. How could God be calling me away when I was doing exactly what He had called me to?? But the feeling would not subside; it was not over-powering but a sure and steady urging that God was preparing me for something new. By the time March came around, I began to pray daily that God would reveal to me what He desired for my life. In June, I decided that I would continue to pray on the matter but if I still felt that God was calling me out of Albert Lea, then I would put my house on the market in the fall.
September 1st came and I still felt very confident that God wanted me to move forward. I spent the most enjoyable Labor Day weekend in Denver and when I landed at MSP late in the evening on Labor Day, I knew that my house would be going on the market. However, I spent the next several days second guessing myself. ALMC EMS was by far the best job EMS could ever offer me. I loved my co-workers, I loved my job responsibilities and I was good at my job; Was I really ready to give all that up? I spent the week asking God to confirm what it was He wanted for my life. It was on September 12th that my employer announced that they were cutting our 24 hour shifts down to 12 hour shift, thus cutting our salary by nearly fifty percent. And in one quick announcement, the most promising job EMS could ever offer me was gone. I had 6 months to figure out what I was doing and I so clearly saw that God was confirming that my time in Albert Lea was coming to a close. I told God that I was willing to leave to Albert Lea, but that He was going to have to find me a buyer for my house. I reassured myself that God knew the buyer and He knew the timing. I put my house on the market on November 9th - and a month later I still had no showings.
Last Monday it was suggested to me that I should rent my house to Crossroad's new Senior Associate Pastor. I had considered this when I first put my house on the market, however, I naturally assumed that their family of 5 would be looking for a 4 bedroom house. After being informed of the difficulties they were having in finding a suitable home, I began to make a few inquires as to this possibility of renting to them and have felt an ever-increasing peace that this what God wants me to do. This week, we signed a lease and once again God has confirmed that He is calling me out of Albert Lea and provided a way for me.
This week has been a flurry of activity. Somehow (only by the grace of God), I managed to pack up my entire house in 4 days. I have often brought to the brink of tears when I consider the work God has done in my life the past three years. I am humbled by His provisions, His grace, His faithfulness, and His constant presence in my life. I am particularly humbled that He would allow me to serve His Bride, the church, here at Crossroads in Albert Lea. The past three years have contained some of the most difficult and painful experiences of my life, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I am convinced that life's biggest blessing and greatest reward is to be used by God and that is something that God has allowed me to experience. I am humbled that the people here in Albert Lea who have loved me, both at Crossroads and in the EMS department. God is truly good.
I have learned a lot during this season of my life and I would like to take the opportunity to share some of those things. These have been life changing lessons and I am so grateful that God continues to work in my life and heart.
1) God is who He says He is: God is completely sovereign. He is infinite in wisdom. He is perfect in love. Everything that He ordains or allows in our lives is for His glory and our good – His very character and love for us stops Him from allowing anything in our lives that He will not used for our good and His glory.
2) I am who God says I am: My entire worth and value comes from God. It is He who created my heart and He is the one who redeemed it. Without Him, I am nothing. Nothing or anyone in this world has the ability to define me or give me worth. I will never be satisfied or content in life unless I am finding my value in Him. When I seek my value from Him, He will use my life as a mirror to reflect His glory to others around me. I may be the loudest person you know, but I pray that my spirit will that be that of one who is rich in meekness and gentleness.
3) God is deserving of my trust and I am truly capable of trusting Him: God has taken me down an interesting path during this time. A path that has allowed me to experience a great deal of pain and hurt and for a while, I began to doubt His goodness in my life. Why would God call me to something only to have those circumstances break my heart?? But He is has shown me that He is truly good and He will only bring things into my life that will be for my good and His glory. God is not as concerned with our comfort as much as we are. He is willing to allow us to go through trials if they will better us, make us more like Him, and bring us joy as an end result. He has taught me what it means to trust Him and not my own logic. Even when things don’t make sense, He is still trustworthy. Not only has He shown me that He is deserving of my trust but that despite the appearing senseless circumstances of my life, I am still capable of trusting Him.
4) I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength: God has used my time in Albert Lea to show me that I am capable of doing anything that He calls me to do as long as I rely on Him. It may be exhausting. It may be heartbreaking. It may not make any sense of the time. But God calls me to obey and sometimes that means nothing more than one step at a time with a willing heart. He will take care of the rest.
5)Perspective: My perspective changes everything. When I choose to view my life through the lens of truths listed above that means I can rest assured that God is up to something good in my life. So many times in my life I have spent so much time and energy focusing on the East waiting for the sunrise that I have missed the beautiful sunset that God has created in the West. I must change my perspective and learn to match my heart to God’s – it is then that I will see God’s beauty and sovereignty in every situation in my life.
6) Discerning God’s Will: I learned a lot about discerning God’s will during this season of my life. This lesson first became evident in my life during a sermon in which Glen Stevens announced His resignation at Crossroads Church. God began to open my eyes further to this lesson this past year as I listened to His prompting in my life and while hiring a senior associate pastor for Crossroads.
Glen’s message taught me some good practices to apply to my life while trying to discern God’s will in my life.
*Walk with God: Live your life on a day-to-day basis with God. Learning to hear God’s voice comes from spending regular time in his Word. And then pray, pray, pray, pray, and pray some more.
*Walk with others who walk with God: talk to your closest friends (assuming that they are believers), avoid solitary confinement, and get outside advice from people with experience – Proverbs 11:14. Accountability and godly counsel are so important in discerning God’s will for your life.
*Look inside and out: Don’t ignore your feelings but don’t trust them either. Look for evidences of confirmation.
*Obey God: Obey God’s calling when you clearly feel Him convicting you of direction and need to move (Proverbs 3:5-6).
I have also learned that there are four basic principles to consider when trying to discern the will of God. You could call them steps to walk through when considering any decision in your life.
1)Scripture. The will of God will never contradict the Word of God. Scripture is the most important thing you can consult when making decisions. It is far easier to compare things to Scripture when you are in the habit of reading and meditating everyday.
2) Holy Spirit. John 15 describes the Holy Spirit as "the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father." God gives us the Holy Spirit for the very purpose of convicting of His truth. Often times we describe the Holy Spirit as a feeling which can make it difficult to differentiate between the conviction of the Holy Spirit and our own emotions. That is why it is so important to revert back to step one to make sure what you are "feeling" or are convicted of matches with God's Word
3) Godly Counsel: Proverbs 13:20 tells us that those who walk with the wise will be wise. It was never God's plan for us to journey life alone. Matthew 18:20 says, "Whenever two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." God certainly uses other believers to speak truth into our lives.
4) Common Sense: Now while the will of God may not always seem logical, God did give us sound minds and intends for us to use them. If something seems to go against common sense, it is wise to reconsider it... and revert back to steps 1-3. Even the times when God's will does not appear to follow common sense - God usually opens the doors to make it evidently clear what He requires of you.
Because I know many of you will ask, I have no idea what is next. I anticipate that I would continue to work in Albert Lea and commute from Rochester until at least March 14th. I do feel that God is preparing me for something new, in some place new. I am praying and asking God to reveal what that opportunity is for me. In this entire process, God has never revealed more than one step at a time to me. I believe that God is teaching me to trust Him and asking me to step out in obedience. I feel confident that God will reveal what the next chapter in my story looks like in His own timing, but in the mean time I would appreciate your prayers in the matter.
In January 2011, I was serving on Crossroad's Leadership Board as well as serving as Interim Coordinator of Youth Ministries at Crossroads Church. We were without a senior pastor as well as a youth pastor and our executive pastor had just announced his resignation. This left our Worship Pastor and Director of Children's Ministries on staff for ministry positions. It was a crazy busy time for the church. I was up to my ears in responsibility and felt very sure that God had called me to Crossroads for this exact time and purpose. I knew that I was suppose to be serving in the capacity that I was. However, it was in January that I began to sense that God was preparing my heart to leave Albert Lea - it was as if a small whisper was repeatedly telling me that my time in Albert Lea was coming to a close. At first I thought the idea was crazy. How could God be calling me away when I was doing exactly what He had called me to?? But the feeling would not subside; it was not over-powering but a sure and steady urging that God was preparing me for something new. By the time March came around, I began to pray daily that God would reveal to me what He desired for my life. In June, I decided that I would continue to pray on the matter but if I still felt that God was calling me out of Albert Lea, then I would put my house on the market in the fall.
September 1st came and I still felt very confident that God wanted me to move forward. I spent the most enjoyable Labor Day weekend in Denver and when I landed at MSP late in the evening on Labor Day, I knew that my house would be going on the market. However, I spent the next several days second guessing myself. ALMC EMS was by far the best job EMS could ever offer me. I loved my co-workers, I loved my job responsibilities and I was good at my job; Was I really ready to give all that up? I spent the week asking God to confirm what it was He wanted for my life. It was on September 12th that my employer announced that they were cutting our 24 hour shifts down to 12 hour shift, thus cutting our salary by nearly fifty percent. And in one quick announcement, the most promising job EMS could ever offer me was gone. I had 6 months to figure out what I was doing and I so clearly saw that God was confirming that my time in Albert Lea was coming to a close. I told God that I was willing to leave to Albert Lea, but that He was going to have to find me a buyer for my house. I reassured myself that God knew the buyer and He knew the timing. I put my house on the market on November 9th - and a month later I still had no showings.
Last Monday it was suggested to me that I should rent my house to Crossroad's new Senior Associate Pastor. I had considered this when I first put my house on the market, however, I naturally assumed that their family of 5 would be looking for a 4 bedroom house. After being informed of the difficulties they were having in finding a suitable home, I began to make a few inquires as to this possibility of renting to them and have felt an ever-increasing peace that this what God wants me to do. This week, we signed a lease and once again God has confirmed that He is calling me out of Albert Lea and provided a way for me.
This week has been a flurry of activity. Somehow (only by the grace of God), I managed to pack up my entire house in 4 days. I have often brought to the brink of tears when I consider the work God has done in my life the past three years. I am humbled by His provisions, His grace, His faithfulness, and His constant presence in my life. I am particularly humbled that He would allow me to serve His Bride, the church, here at Crossroads in Albert Lea. The past three years have contained some of the most difficult and painful experiences of my life, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I am convinced that life's biggest blessing and greatest reward is to be used by God and that is something that God has allowed me to experience. I am humbled that the people here in Albert Lea who have loved me, both at Crossroads and in the EMS department. God is truly good.
I have learned a lot during this season of my life and I would like to take the opportunity to share some of those things. These have been life changing lessons and I am so grateful that God continues to work in my life and heart.
1) God is who He says He is: God is completely sovereign. He is infinite in wisdom. He is perfect in love. Everything that He ordains or allows in our lives is for His glory and our good – His very character and love for us stops Him from allowing anything in our lives that He will not used for our good and His glory.
2) I am who God says I am: My entire worth and value comes from God. It is He who created my heart and He is the one who redeemed it. Without Him, I am nothing. Nothing or anyone in this world has the ability to define me or give me worth. I will never be satisfied or content in life unless I am finding my value in Him. When I seek my value from Him, He will use my life as a mirror to reflect His glory to others around me. I may be the loudest person you know, but I pray that my spirit will that be that of one who is rich in meekness and gentleness.
3) God is deserving of my trust and I am truly capable of trusting Him: God has taken me down an interesting path during this time. A path that has allowed me to experience a great deal of pain and hurt and for a while, I began to doubt His goodness in my life. Why would God call me to something only to have those circumstances break my heart?? But He is has shown me that He is truly good and He will only bring things into my life that will be for my good and His glory. God is not as concerned with our comfort as much as we are. He is willing to allow us to go through trials if they will better us, make us more like Him, and bring us joy as an end result. He has taught me what it means to trust Him and not my own logic. Even when things don’t make sense, He is still trustworthy. Not only has He shown me that He is deserving of my trust but that despite the appearing senseless circumstances of my life, I am still capable of trusting Him.
4) I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength: God has used my time in Albert Lea to show me that I am capable of doing anything that He calls me to do as long as I rely on Him. It may be exhausting. It may be heartbreaking. It may not make any sense of the time. But God calls me to obey and sometimes that means nothing more than one step at a time with a willing heart. He will take care of the rest.
5)Perspective: My perspective changes everything. When I choose to view my life through the lens of truths listed above that means I can rest assured that God is up to something good in my life. So many times in my life I have spent so much time and energy focusing on the East waiting for the sunrise that I have missed the beautiful sunset that God has created in the West. I must change my perspective and learn to match my heart to God’s – it is then that I will see God’s beauty and sovereignty in every situation in my life.
6) Discerning God’s Will: I learned a lot about discerning God’s will during this season of my life. This lesson first became evident in my life during a sermon in which Glen Stevens announced His resignation at Crossroads Church. God began to open my eyes further to this lesson this past year as I listened to His prompting in my life and while hiring a senior associate pastor for Crossroads.
Glen’s message taught me some good practices to apply to my life while trying to discern God’s will in my life.
*Walk with God: Live your life on a day-to-day basis with God. Learning to hear God’s voice comes from spending regular time in his Word. And then pray, pray, pray, pray, and pray some more.
*Walk with others who walk with God: talk to your closest friends (assuming that they are believers), avoid solitary confinement, and get outside advice from people with experience – Proverbs 11:14. Accountability and godly counsel are so important in discerning God’s will for your life.
*Look inside and out: Don’t ignore your feelings but don’t trust them either. Look for evidences of confirmation.
*Obey God: Obey God’s calling when you clearly feel Him convicting you of direction and need to move (Proverbs 3:5-6).
I have also learned that there are four basic principles to consider when trying to discern the will of God. You could call them steps to walk through when considering any decision in your life.
1)Scripture. The will of God will never contradict the Word of God. Scripture is the most important thing you can consult when making decisions. It is far easier to compare things to Scripture when you are in the habit of reading and meditating everyday.
2) Holy Spirit. John 15 describes the Holy Spirit as "the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father." God gives us the Holy Spirit for the very purpose of convicting of His truth. Often times we describe the Holy Spirit as a feeling which can make it difficult to differentiate between the conviction of the Holy Spirit and our own emotions. That is why it is so important to revert back to step one to make sure what you are "feeling" or are convicted of matches with God's Word
3) Godly Counsel: Proverbs 13:20 tells us that those who walk with the wise will be wise. It was never God's plan for us to journey life alone. Matthew 18:20 says, "Whenever two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." God certainly uses other believers to speak truth into our lives.
4) Common Sense: Now while the will of God may not always seem logical, God did give us sound minds and intends for us to use them. If something seems to go against common sense, it is wise to reconsider it... and revert back to steps 1-3. Even the times when God's will does not appear to follow common sense - God usually opens the doors to make it evidently clear what He requires of you.
Because I know many of you will ask, I have no idea what is next. I anticipate that I would continue to work in Albert Lea and commute from Rochester until at least March 14th. I do feel that God is preparing me for something new, in some place new. I am praying and asking God to reveal what that opportunity is for me. In this entire process, God has never revealed more than one step at a time to me. I believe that God is teaching me to trust Him and asking me to step out in obedience. I feel confident that God will reveal what the next chapter in my story looks like in His own timing, but in the mean time I would appreciate your prayers in the matter.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Giving Thanks Comes Before Joy
Thanksgiving has taken on a whole new meaning for me this year. My eyes have been opened to God's goodness and my heart is full of gratitude for the wonderful things He has done in life. I can't help but notice this holiday season that I have no more to be thankful for than I have any other year - maybe I even have less. With the impending loss of hours at work, the increased frustration with my job, placing my house on the market, and uncertainty of what the future holds for me I am a bit surprised to find myself a thousand times more thankful than I have been in the past years. I have done a great deal of thinking over this paradox the past few days and I am coming to realize that it has been an interesting journey to arrive at this place and that this journey has not happened by accident.
God is teaching me that thanksgiving, the act of giving thanks, comes before joy and before giving thanks comes trusting. Maybe this doesn't come as a surprise to you but it does to me! I always thought that we should give thanks out of the joy that we have already experienced. In reality, though, recognizing God's blessings in our lives and living a life of gratitude before Him is what brings joy to our lives.
However, recognizing His blessings in our lives is not as easy as we often think it might be. Each one of us has struggles, hurts, heartaches, and trials that make day-to-day life difficult. Some of us know the definition of tragedy because we have lived it out in our own lives. Sometimes, the plain and simple uncertainty of tomorrow causes us to lose hope and we begin to doubt God's goodness in our lives. This is where I have been for quite some time - living without the realization of hope and doubting God's goodness in my life. Being uncertain of God's plan for my life caused me to become hard-hearted and even somewhat bitter. It is important for you to know that I have always had a great life - God has always bestowed upon me wonderful blessings. I was active in seeking Him and His will for my life, but something was missing - something vital to every Christian's faith journey, namely a willingness to trust God.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understand. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.
(Proverbs 3:5&6)
God opened some really big doors in my life this year. Not necessarily opportunities but rather lessons that He wanted teach me. Not through sermons or Bible studies, but through revealing Himself to me in everyday life. God has taught me that He is trustworthy and that trusting Him is the single most valuable thing I can do to strengthen my relationship with Him. This means trusting Him for the sale of my home, graduate school, a new job, friendships, a husband, and His timeline for all of these things. If I believe that God is truly wise, supremely sovereign, and working all things for good, then why do I need to worry about anything? Doesn't He have it all under control?
It is through trusting God that I have come to realize how blessed I am. It is amazing that once I stop spending my energy on worrying about what comes next and trying to figure out the things I can't do anything about how much time and energy is freed up for me to focus and enjoy the amazing things that God has given me today. By choosing not to worry about tomorrow, I have found that I actually love every minute of today and I find myself with a heart full of gratitude. I now see how much I have to be thankful for and the more I praise and thank God for the things He has given me, the more joy I am filled with as I live each day striving to glorify Him.
God is teaching me that thanksgiving, the act of giving thanks, comes before joy and before giving thanks comes trusting. Maybe this doesn't come as a surprise to you but it does to me! I always thought that we should give thanks out of the joy that we have already experienced. In reality, though, recognizing God's blessings in our lives and living a life of gratitude before Him is what brings joy to our lives.
However, recognizing His blessings in our lives is not as easy as we often think it might be. Each one of us has struggles, hurts, heartaches, and trials that make day-to-day life difficult. Some of us know the definition of tragedy because we have lived it out in our own lives. Sometimes, the plain and simple uncertainty of tomorrow causes us to lose hope and we begin to doubt God's goodness in our lives. This is where I have been for quite some time - living without the realization of hope and doubting God's goodness in my life. Being uncertain of God's plan for my life caused me to become hard-hearted and even somewhat bitter. It is important for you to know that I have always had a great life - God has always bestowed upon me wonderful blessings. I was active in seeking Him and His will for my life, but something was missing - something vital to every Christian's faith journey, namely a willingness to trust God.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understand. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.
(Proverbs 3:5&6)
God opened some really big doors in my life this year. Not necessarily opportunities but rather lessons that He wanted teach me. Not through sermons or Bible studies, but through revealing Himself to me in everyday life. God has taught me that He is trustworthy and that trusting Him is the single most valuable thing I can do to strengthen my relationship with Him. This means trusting Him for the sale of my home, graduate school, a new job, friendships, a husband, and His timeline for all of these things. If I believe that God is truly wise, supremely sovereign, and working all things for good, then why do I need to worry about anything? Doesn't He have it all under control?
It is through trusting God that I have come to realize how blessed I am. It is amazing that once I stop spending my energy on worrying about what comes next and trying to figure out the things I can't do anything about how much time and energy is freed up for me to focus and enjoy the amazing things that God has given me today. By choosing not to worry about tomorrow, I have found that I actually love every minute of today and I find myself with a heart full of gratitude. I now see how much I have to be thankful for and the more I praise and thank God for the things He has given me, the more joy I am filled with as I live each day striving to glorify Him.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
And So It Finally Makes Sense...
I think nearly every one of us has a time in their life that they can identify as truly miserable. A time that seemed dark and black, where all hope seemed lost. A time that drags on forever and seems that it will never end. A time where all you want to do is just give up, a time when you can't imagine carrying on, but then the sun comes up every morning and life continues.. and you face each day unsure of how you will make it through but somehow you always survive.
For me, that time began the summer of 2008. In the spring I had met the most charming man and before I knew it, he had swept me off of my feet. I had no idea that life could be so wonderful. Everything seemed so fantastic, it seemed like a fairy tale. However, there was a glitch. Somewhere along the way, things got messy and the picture was no longer so clear. I still had a good thing within my reach, but was it really as great as I once thought?? Maybe I had misread the situation?? Maybe this wasn't God's will for me after all?? I began to pray about it and asked God to reveal to me what He wanted me to do. I specifically began praying that God would show me whether I should walk away from this situation or stick it out. This same weekend, I attended a Beth Moore conference with my mom and my sister. It was at the end of the last session, that Beth said something that struck me so strongly that I could not ignore it. She was talking about those in the audience who were walking through a valley of heartache or confusion and she said "I don't know what that valley is, but I promise you, if you persevere through this, there will be a blessing so big on the other side of it, it will not even compare to the suffering you are experiencing now." I felt the Holy Spirit stir in my heart and I felt peace that God wanted me to wait the situation out and see what He would do with it.
This situation went on for two more years and it never seemed to resolve. Many of the people in my life did not understand why I didn't just walk away from it. Finally, I did.. I walked away from the situation telling myself that God would handle it. I walked away 3 times before I made my final exit. It was a devastating time in my life. It hurt so badly. There seemed no hope. I just wanted to be myself again, but yet I didn't know how. I continued to ask myself again and again, "where is God in all of this?" Although I never voiced the words, my heart repeatedly asked "God - why did you have me walk down this path if all it was going to do was break my heart?" Although I was not aware of it, there was a part of me that became rebellious. Please understand, I was still actively seeking God. I knew that God was faithful and He had a plan for me.. but just because I knew that, didn't mean I truly believed it. In my hurt and in my anger, I began to doubt God's goodness in my life. I felt betrayed. I had trusted, I had obeyed... and when it was all said and done, I felt that I was broken and an empty shell of who God created me to be. Those around me watched in agony - it was incredibly painful for those who loved me as well as myself.
There came a day in this story where I went from indirectly hurting the people I cared about to the time I hurt one of them very directly. I remember standing at the doorstep of a dear friend, sobbing, begging for forgiveness. It was in that moment, I realized that I was allowing this situation to change me into someone I never wanted to be, someone I knew that God did not want me to be. It was that day that I knew I had to make my final exit.
The days and weeks that followed were hard. I was so confused. I didn't understand. I knew that God promised to use all things for good in my life, but I saw no results from that. After two years of questioning myself, my relationship with God and God himself, I finally had to tell myself that I had to accept things for the way they were and accept that I plain and simply did not understand. I resigned myself to submitting to God's will and surrendering all of the heartache to Him even though it seem unfair.
It has been 18 months since I made that decision and it wasn't until this week that I finally realized that God knew what He was doing all along. It did not take me long to be thankful that I was removed from the previous situation, but it wasn't until this week that I finally realized that there was a blessing that was greater than any of the pain I had suffered through.
You see, I think nearly every one of us has a time in their life that they can identify as truly miserable. If I had never suffered through my own misery, I would not be able to provide the encouragement for the ones in my life while they are going through their own misery. I understand what it's like when a friend tells me that she still misses him even though it has been six months, I understand when a friend tells me that the future seems desperately painful and hopeless. I understand what its like when God's goodness seems impossible to comprehend. I understand when a friend chooses to stick with something even when that decision makes no sense to anyone else. I have known heartache and therefore I can share in heartache.
Now, some of you may think that this doesn't really seem like that great of a blessing. But God created me to love others, to care for others, to encourage others... and through this situation He has prepared me to comfort His hurting children. Through this season of heartache and misery, He has equipped me to extend my reach and provide encouragement in ways that I would have otherwise been unable to do. What bigger blessing is there then to be used by God??
Some of you may be struggling right now. Some of you may be going through that truly miserable time in life. But, my God has promised comfort to those who are hurting and He has promised to do all things for His glory and our good. I promise you, if you presevere through this trial - seeking God's will in your life - there will be a blessing so great on the other side of this valley that it will not even compare to the heartache you are experiencing now. Maybe that blessing will look a lot like mine or maybe it will look a lot different, but regardless of the end result you need to know that God has not forgotten you and He does not allow you to walk through this valley in vain.
For me, that time began the summer of 2008. In the spring I had met the most charming man and before I knew it, he had swept me off of my feet. I had no idea that life could be so wonderful. Everything seemed so fantastic, it seemed like a fairy tale. However, there was a glitch. Somewhere along the way, things got messy and the picture was no longer so clear. I still had a good thing within my reach, but was it really as great as I once thought?? Maybe I had misread the situation?? Maybe this wasn't God's will for me after all?? I began to pray about it and asked God to reveal to me what He wanted me to do. I specifically began praying that God would show me whether I should walk away from this situation or stick it out. This same weekend, I attended a Beth Moore conference with my mom and my sister. It was at the end of the last session, that Beth said something that struck me so strongly that I could not ignore it. She was talking about those in the audience who were walking through a valley of heartache or confusion and she said "I don't know what that valley is, but I promise you, if you persevere through this, there will be a blessing so big on the other side of it, it will not even compare to the suffering you are experiencing now." I felt the Holy Spirit stir in my heart and I felt peace that God wanted me to wait the situation out and see what He would do with it.
This situation went on for two more years and it never seemed to resolve. Many of the people in my life did not understand why I didn't just walk away from it. Finally, I did.. I walked away from the situation telling myself that God would handle it. I walked away 3 times before I made my final exit. It was a devastating time in my life. It hurt so badly. There seemed no hope. I just wanted to be myself again, but yet I didn't know how. I continued to ask myself again and again, "where is God in all of this?" Although I never voiced the words, my heart repeatedly asked "God - why did you have me walk down this path if all it was going to do was break my heart?" Although I was not aware of it, there was a part of me that became rebellious. Please understand, I was still actively seeking God. I knew that God was faithful and He had a plan for me.. but just because I knew that, didn't mean I truly believed it. In my hurt and in my anger, I began to doubt God's goodness in my life. I felt betrayed. I had trusted, I had obeyed... and when it was all said and done, I felt that I was broken and an empty shell of who God created me to be. Those around me watched in agony - it was incredibly painful for those who loved me as well as myself.
There came a day in this story where I went from indirectly hurting the people I cared about to the time I hurt one of them very directly. I remember standing at the doorstep of a dear friend, sobbing, begging for forgiveness. It was in that moment, I realized that I was allowing this situation to change me into someone I never wanted to be, someone I knew that God did not want me to be. It was that day that I knew I had to make my final exit.
The days and weeks that followed were hard. I was so confused. I didn't understand. I knew that God promised to use all things for good in my life, but I saw no results from that. After two years of questioning myself, my relationship with God and God himself, I finally had to tell myself that I had to accept things for the way they were and accept that I plain and simply did not understand. I resigned myself to submitting to God's will and surrendering all of the heartache to Him even though it seem unfair.
It has been 18 months since I made that decision and it wasn't until this week that I finally realized that God knew what He was doing all along. It did not take me long to be thankful that I was removed from the previous situation, but it wasn't until this week that I finally realized that there was a blessing that was greater than any of the pain I had suffered through.
You see, I think nearly every one of us has a time in their life that they can identify as truly miserable. If I had never suffered through my own misery, I would not be able to provide the encouragement for the ones in my life while they are going through their own misery. I understand what it's like when a friend tells me that she still misses him even though it has been six months, I understand when a friend tells me that the future seems desperately painful and hopeless. I understand what its like when God's goodness seems impossible to comprehend. I understand when a friend chooses to stick with something even when that decision makes no sense to anyone else. I have known heartache and therefore I can share in heartache.
Now, some of you may think that this doesn't really seem like that great of a blessing. But God created me to love others, to care for others, to encourage others... and through this situation He has prepared me to comfort His hurting children. Through this season of heartache and misery, He has equipped me to extend my reach and provide encouragement in ways that I would have otherwise been unable to do. What bigger blessing is there then to be used by God??
Some of you may be struggling right now. Some of you may be going through that truly miserable time in life. But, my God has promised comfort to those who are hurting and He has promised to do all things for His glory and our good. I promise you, if you presevere through this trial - seeking God's will in your life - there will be a blessing so great on the other side of this valley that it will not even compare to the heartache you are experiencing now. Maybe that blessing will look a lot like mine or maybe it will look a lot different, but regardless of the end result you need to know that God has not forgotten you and He does not allow you to walk through this valley in vain.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Fulfillment of Dreams Through Sacrifice
On Wednesday evening, I was lucky enough to host dinner for 10 of the loveliest ladies that reside in Freeborn County. Since purchasing my home in 2008, there are few meals that have been cooked in my kitchen in which I have not complained about the size of my oven. I mean seriously, who installs an oven that isn't large enough for a standard size cookie sheet!!! Through the evening I began to mentally list off the dreams I had - like a bigger oven as I was trying to figure out how to cook five homemade pizzas, like a big and open kitchen to accommodate the ten women who were socializing with me while I was cooking, like a full size dinning room table that would seat twelve. It struck me then that sometimes God calls us to sacrifice certain dreams in order to bless us with the fulfillment of bigger dreams. I will never have a big and spacious kitchen as long as I live in this house, but yet I am so easily upset at the thought of selling it. As I continue to learn to trust God for the day to day as well as for my future, I am learning to see things from a different perspective. God wants to give me good things, but I am too busy balking at the fact that He calls me to sacrifice the smaller things I have now. This thought gave me a great deal of peace - God doesn't want to strip me of the things I love just to leave me hurting and broken, but rather He loves me enough to allow me to go through a painful season of loss in order to bless me so He can fulfill bigger dreams.
The next evening, I had quickly stopped at home after having a wonderful night with my Bunco Ladies!! I wanted to borrow a few things from my dad's garage to get a jump start on some weekend projects. As I followed my dad out to the garage, I began listing off all of the things I wanted to borrow including the shop-vac. He began gathering things from every corner of the garage and he handed me a leaf blower. Now knowing my dad, I figured he had some funny joke to go along with why he was handing me a leaf blower, but instead he said "You said you wanted to borrow the shop-vac, right??" It reminded me of Matthew 7:9-12.
Matthew 7:9-12 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
In the past month, this verse has been brought to my attention many times. This verse has had a great deal of significance for a friend of mine and I hadn't given much thought of its importance in my life until this situation. Here I was asking my dad to borrow the shop-vac and he handed me a leaf-blower. But just as the verse said, even our earthly fathers know to give us good things. I watched as my dad took the leaf-blower and with a quick removal of a nozzle, he turned the motor to its side, securely placed it in the canister and thus turning what appeared to be a leaf-blower into a shop-vac.
So many times in my life, I have gotten frustrated and discouraged in my walk with God because it doesn't appear that He is giving me good things. The perfect example of this is my frustration, discouragement, and bitterness that came with the loss of hours and loss of income at my current job. I had asked God for good things and this is what happened. I had asked him for a loaf a bread and when He began to prepare my life to give me that loaf of bread, I became angry and refused to let go of the stone I was holding. I look back and see how often I have done this in my life, blindly trusting my logic rather than trusting God. To put it in humanly terms, I cannot imagine how many times God the Father and God the Son have looked down at me and asked God the Holy Spirit, "What is that girl doing now?? Why is she holding that giant rock??" Only for God the Spirit to say "She thinks it's a loaf of bread!"
Thankfully God remains faithful to us even when we are not faithful to Him. He continues to extend grace and pour out a mountain of blessings on me. He has worked to break down the frustration, discouragement and bitterness in my heart. As a result, I can now see that it is me who has failed him and never the other way around. God waits for me to respond to His calling and leading in my life and as I continue to fight to lay down my selfishness and my pride, I can see that truly He is the giver of all good things. I am learning to let go, to hold my dreams with an open hand. And if God chooses to remove things from my life I know that it is only because He has bigger plans for me than I have for myself.
The next evening, I had quickly stopped at home after having a wonderful night with my Bunco Ladies!! I wanted to borrow a few things from my dad's garage to get a jump start on some weekend projects. As I followed my dad out to the garage, I began listing off all of the things I wanted to borrow including the shop-vac. He began gathering things from every corner of the garage and he handed me a leaf blower. Now knowing my dad, I figured he had some funny joke to go along with why he was handing me a leaf blower, but instead he said "You said you wanted to borrow the shop-vac, right??" It reminded me of Matthew 7:9-12.
Matthew 7:9-12 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
In the past month, this verse has been brought to my attention many times. This verse has had a great deal of significance for a friend of mine and I hadn't given much thought of its importance in my life until this situation. Here I was asking my dad to borrow the shop-vac and he handed me a leaf-blower. But just as the verse said, even our earthly fathers know to give us good things. I watched as my dad took the leaf-blower and with a quick removal of a nozzle, he turned the motor to its side, securely placed it in the canister and thus turning what appeared to be a leaf-blower into a shop-vac.
So many times in my life, I have gotten frustrated and discouraged in my walk with God because it doesn't appear that He is giving me good things. The perfect example of this is my frustration, discouragement, and bitterness that came with the loss of hours and loss of income at my current job. I had asked God for good things and this is what happened. I had asked him for a loaf a bread and when He began to prepare my life to give me that loaf of bread, I became angry and refused to let go of the stone I was holding. I look back and see how often I have done this in my life, blindly trusting my logic rather than trusting God. To put it in humanly terms, I cannot imagine how many times God the Father and God the Son have looked down at me and asked God the Holy Spirit, "What is that girl doing now?? Why is she holding that giant rock??" Only for God the Spirit to say "She thinks it's a loaf of bread!"
Thankfully God remains faithful to us even when we are not faithful to Him. He continues to extend grace and pour out a mountain of blessings on me. He has worked to break down the frustration, discouragement and bitterness in my heart. As a result, I can now see that it is me who has failed him and never the other way around. God waits for me to respond to His calling and leading in my life and as I continue to fight to lay down my selfishness and my pride, I can see that truly He is the giver of all good things. I am learning to let go, to hold my dreams with an open hand. And if God chooses to remove things from my life I know that it is only because He has bigger plans for me than I have for myself.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Load Up the Ark and Learn to Walk on Water
The week of September 12th has been a rough one for me as well as many of my co-workers. On Monday, my employer announced that they were cutting each of our hours. Since I was hired in 2005, we have been working 24-hour shifts. It was announced that, system wide, 24-hour shifts were being eliminated, thus decreasing some FTEs by nearly fifty percent. As one might imagine, that is a huge pay cut for us.
I was quite surprised by my reaction. You see, this wasn't a huge surprise for any of us. We all knew eventually this was coming. Nationally 24-hour shifts are being eliminated because of the liability and risk that comes along with them - but we thought we had a year or two before it happened. However, when our staff meeting was mysteriously moved up a week - we knew there was going to be some "bomb dropped" and we all expected that it would be announcement that 12 hour shifts were being implemented. I had several conversations with many co-workers as well as a few close friends about the countless possibilities that this news could bring. I felt prepared. However, when the actual announcement was made and management stated that there was no plan in place to compensate us for our loss of income - I was overwhelmed. I spent the majority of the day in tears trying understand how my whole world had come crashing down in one single announcement. The meeting had started off like any other - but at the end, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I no longer had any idea where I stood in the world.
But there is more to this story... Let's rewind back to January. At the beginning of the year, I was up to my elbows in responsibility and things that needed to be accomplished. There seemed to be no end in sight. Every where I turned, there were things that required my attention and it had become more and more evident that God has placed me in Albert Lea for an exact time and purpose. Yet, in the midst of all of this, I felt that God was preparing me to leave Albert Lea. When, I was unsure. Why, no clue. For what, not the faintest idea. But, I felt that God was telling me that my time was coming to a close. At first, it all seemed a bit odd, but God continued to confirm to me repeatedly, even throughout this past summer, that my time in Albert Lea was in fact coming to an end.
I was prepared to put my house on the market this fall and wait for what God had me to do. But recently, I have begin to doubt myself. I have always known that I would never find a better job in EMS than the one I have in Albert Lea. Was I really ready to sacrifice that?? Was this really God's will?? Maybe I should hold off until I had something else lined up. I continued to ask God to confirm and reveal what His plans were for me... and then Monday happened. My world fell apart. I have spent hours in tears over this announcement. I love my house. I love my job. I love my co-workers. I love helping people. I love having a job that I excel at. I love being confident enough in what I am doing that I can bring comfort to patients and their families. I love the professional relationships I have with nurses and doctors. I love the things I have learned in this job - things that no other EMS job would have offered me. At 26 years of age, my life looks so different than I ever thought it would look - but the thing I took solace in was that God has blessed me with a job that exceeded my expectations of a career and a beautiful house to call home. Now, that job no longer offers the income I need to pay the bills and I can no longer afford my house payment.
At first glance, it seems overwhelming and discouraging. However, there is hope to be found in the second glance. God has been preparing my heart for this and when I began to doubt myself - God confirmed that my time in Albert Lea is coming to a close. I just thought that God would bring the next opportunity to my doorstep, before He removed the current one.
I was reading in Genesis 6. Most of us know the story of Noah and his Ark... but I found comfort in his story today. God tells Noah - "Listen up, I'm about to flood this earth, so I want you to build a big 'ol boat, take your wife, your sons, your sons' wives, and why you're at it - 2 of every kind of creature on the face of the earth... load them into the big boat along with enough food to feed you all and then I am gonna destroy everything on Earth." (obvious paraphrase). Noah did not know what would come of him, his family and all these animals after this. Noah did not know what would happen next, he did not have a detailed plan for himself, his wife and their children. He did not know what the future would hold - but yet, God gave a command and Noah obey and God did not fail him.
It is often said that you will never walk on water until you get out of the boat. God is commanding me to get out of the boat. And in the midst of this situation, I can make the decision to trust God. There is a difference between reluctantly accepting something because there is no other option and making a conscious effort to trust God because I believe that He is wise, good, and sovereign. God is still in control and I continue to see how He has prepared me for this time. Today, I found a note written in a draft of an email on phone that was a small tidbit of a sermon I heard in July. The note said this "Ps. 37:7. An unknown future is the only guarantee for me. Will I go where God calls me??" Even back in July - God was preparing me because He knew that I was going to need to follow Him into the scariest of circumstances - the unknown.
My first purpose in life has always been and will always be to bring glory to God. One of my favorite authors recently made a statement in her blog that hit home with me, "There’s little glory found in sailing a boat through quiet waters." If I long to bring God glory, I must be willing navigate and sail through troubled waters and when He calls, I must be willing to step out of the boat even when I cannot fathom what good might come out of it.
Psalm 37:7 ~ Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
I was quite surprised by my reaction. You see, this wasn't a huge surprise for any of us. We all knew eventually this was coming. Nationally 24-hour shifts are being eliminated because of the liability and risk that comes along with them - but we thought we had a year or two before it happened. However, when our staff meeting was mysteriously moved up a week - we knew there was going to be some "bomb dropped" and we all expected that it would be announcement that 12 hour shifts were being implemented. I had several conversations with many co-workers as well as a few close friends about the countless possibilities that this news could bring. I felt prepared. However, when the actual announcement was made and management stated that there was no plan in place to compensate us for our loss of income - I was overwhelmed. I spent the majority of the day in tears trying understand how my whole world had come crashing down in one single announcement. The meeting had started off like any other - but at the end, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I no longer had any idea where I stood in the world.
But there is more to this story... Let's rewind back to January. At the beginning of the year, I was up to my elbows in responsibility and things that needed to be accomplished. There seemed to be no end in sight. Every where I turned, there were things that required my attention and it had become more and more evident that God has placed me in Albert Lea for an exact time and purpose. Yet, in the midst of all of this, I felt that God was preparing me to leave Albert Lea. When, I was unsure. Why, no clue. For what, not the faintest idea. But, I felt that God was telling me that my time was coming to a close. At first, it all seemed a bit odd, but God continued to confirm to me repeatedly, even throughout this past summer, that my time in Albert Lea was in fact coming to an end.
I was prepared to put my house on the market this fall and wait for what God had me to do. But recently, I have begin to doubt myself. I have always known that I would never find a better job in EMS than the one I have in Albert Lea. Was I really ready to sacrifice that?? Was this really God's will?? Maybe I should hold off until I had something else lined up. I continued to ask God to confirm and reveal what His plans were for me... and then Monday happened. My world fell apart. I have spent hours in tears over this announcement. I love my house. I love my job. I love my co-workers. I love helping people. I love having a job that I excel at. I love being confident enough in what I am doing that I can bring comfort to patients and their families. I love the professional relationships I have with nurses and doctors. I love the things I have learned in this job - things that no other EMS job would have offered me. At 26 years of age, my life looks so different than I ever thought it would look - but the thing I took solace in was that God has blessed me with a job that exceeded my expectations of a career and a beautiful house to call home. Now, that job no longer offers the income I need to pay the bills and I can no longer afford my house payment.
At first glance, it seems overwhelming and discouraging. However, there is hope to be found in the second glance. God has been preparing my heart for this and when I began to doubt myself - God confirmed that my time in Albert Lea is coming to a close. I just thought that God would bring the next opportunity to my doorstep, before He removed the current one.
I was reading in Genesis 6. Most of us know the story of Noah and his Ark... but I found comfort in his story today. God tells Noah - "Listen up, I'm about to flood this earth, so I want you to build a big 'ol boat, take your wife, your sons, your sons' wives, and why you're at it - 2 of every kind of creature on the face of the earth... load them into the big boat along with enough food to feed you all and then I am gonna destroy everything on Earth." (obvious paraphrase). Noah did not know what would come of him, his family and all these animals after this. Noah did not know what would happen next, he did not have a detailed plan for himself, his wife and their children. He did not know what the future would hold - but yet, God gave a command and Noah obey and God did not fail him.
It is often said that you will never walk on water until you get out of the boat. God is commanding me to get out of the boat. And in the midst of this situation, I can make the decision to trust God. There is a difference between reluctantly accepting something because there is no other option and making a conscious effort to trust God because I believe that He is wise, good, and sovereign. God is still in control and I continue to see how He has prepared me for this time. Today, I found a note written in a draft of an email on phone that was a small tidbit of a sermon I heard in July. The note said this "Ps. 37:7. An unknown future is the only guarantee for me. Will I go where God calls me??" Even back in July - God was preparing me because He knew that I was going to need to follow Him into the scariest of circumstances - the unknown.
My first purpose in life has always been and will always be to bring glory to God. One of my favorite authors recently made a statement in her blog that hit home with me, "There’s little glory found in sailing a boat through quiet waters." If I long to bring God glory, I must be willing navigate and sail through troubled waters and when He calls, I must be willing to step out of the boat even when I cannot fathom what good might come out of it.
Psalm 37:7 ~ Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
Saturday, August 20, 2011
A Story of God's Faithfulness: A Year Ago Today
A year ago today, I spent the morning packing my bags and preparing to say goodbye to a good friend and the beautiful state of Colorado. The previous week had been wonderful, a week that included a lot of laughter, many old friends, and many reminders of God’s grace in my life. But, I was ready to go home. I was ready to face the adventure that God had waiting for me. A taste of full-time ministry was anticipating my arrival back to Minnesota and although the amount of responsibility scared me, I was thrilled at what God had so clearly pressed upon my heart to do.
As we drove to the Denver airport, Kara and I talked about our upcoming plans. We knew we would see each other again in September and most likely again in November, but we had no idea what God would do in the next year. God has done more in the last year than I could have ever imagined.
I remember the day in late October that Kara called to tell me about this guy she met at a costume party. It was only six short months later that I found myself back in the great state of Colorado helping her put together the plans for her upcoming wedding. I met her fabulous fiancé that week and even some of his friends. The various details all started to come together (even all the little stupid blue ribbons that she asked me to tie). I was so excited about the man God had so perfectly matched her with and how happy she was. I couldn’t help but smile at God’s goodness in her life.
Two months later, I found myself boarding a plane and flying out to Denver again. We squealed with excitement for at least an hour after she picked me up from the airport. My goal was to be the best possible friend I could be – the week was about her. Little did I know what God was going to do in my own life that week. While I was out there God laid the ground work for some pretty important lessons in my life, the biggest of them being an important lesson in prayer.
Prayer is something that boggles my mind. And honestly, it opens a big old can of worms about the debate between free-will and pre-destination. I believe that God is completely sovereign and completely good – all of the time, with no exceptions. Because of that, I have always had the attitude (and still do) that prayer does not change God’s will, it changes us. The more time I spend in prayer surrendering any given issue to God, the more He will change my heart to match His. While I was in Colorado, God allowed me to know the inside story of one of His children who is going through, what I would consider, an extremely difficult time. I was given the opportunity to spend a great deal of time asking God to intervene in this circumstance. Maybe it was because I wasn’t praying for myself, maybe it was because I could see in God’s Word how I knew God wanted to answer this prayer, maybe it was because without God all hope seemed lost, maybe it was simply because I knew there was no other way to help, but regardless of the reason, I became extremely dedicated to praying for this situation and soon I found myself praying about something like I had never prayed before. In the book of James, God tells us to ask with the belief that He is capable and not to doubt that belief. For the first time, I felt like God was showing me what that looked like; what it meant to ask God for His goodness and His mercy, knowing that He could do the impossible if only I had enough faith to ask Him. And I have watched God answer that prayer and He answered in it in a mighty way.
I met a lot of new people while I was in Denver and formed some awesome friendships. One of those friendships is with a wonderful Midwestern girl named Kristin. Kristin was a fellow bridesmaid with me, but since the wedding has returned to Costa Rica to finish a teaching assignment. A few weeks ago, I received a message from Kristin telling me that her college roommate, Nicki, took a teaching job in Albert Lea and would be moving before the end of the summer. And I am so very excited and thankful for the blessing that a new friend brings, especially one that actually lives in my town!!
This morning, as I introduced myself to this new friend over breakfast, I was reminded of where I was a year ago and how much had changed. I remembered my conversation with Kara about what the upcoming year would bring and how God would use us… and I can say with confidence that neither of us expected the changes He brought about.
As I look to the future, asking God what it is He wants for the next year of my life, I am encouraged by the fact that God has been sovereign all along. It has been no secret that in my recent history that God has been teaching me about patience, about waiting without running ahead of Him, waiting without planning out each possible option. And as I look to the future and wait for God, I can honestly say, that I am waiting patiently, that I have surrendered the next chapter over to Him and although some days it is easier than other, that I am content to wait on Him.
Sometimes, it is discouraging that I am not sure what the next chapter is in my life or when God will turn the page, but I am thankful that I have learned that I can confidently go before the throne of God and ask with faith that He will lead me to the next season, to ask that He would even lead me to what seems impossible in my life.
I have been purposeful in my decision to serve God while I wait on Him, however today, God convicted me of the fact that I am not always willing to praise Him while I wait. And I am reminded that He has given me everything I need for life and godliness, that I was bought with a price, that the joy of the Lord is my strength, and that today is the day that He has made and I need to rejoice and be glad in it.
As we drove to the Denver airport, Kara and I talked about our upcoming plans. We knew we would see each other again in September and most likely again in November, but we had no idea what God would do in the next year. God has done more in the last year than I could have ever imagined.
I remember the day in late October that Kara called to tell me about this guy she met at a costume party. It was only six short months later that I found myself back in the great state of Colorado helping her put together the plans for her upcoming wedding. I met her fabulous fiancé that week and even some of his friends. The various details all started to come together (even all the little stupid blue ribbons that she asked me to tie). I was so excited about the man God had so perfectly matched her with and how happy she was. I couldn’t help but smile at God’s goodness in her life.
Two months later, I found myself boarding a plane and flying out to Denver again. We squealed with excitement for at least an hour after she picked me up from the airport. My goal was to be the best possible friend I could be – the week was about her. Little did I know what God was going to do in my own life that week. While I was out there God laid the ground work for some pretty important lessons in my life, the biggest of them being an important lesson in prayer.
Prayer is something that boggles my mind. And honestly, it opens a big old can of worms about the debate between free-will and pre-destination. I believe that God is completely sovereign and completely good – all of the time, with no exceptions. Because of that, I have always had the attitude (and still do) that prayer does not change God’s will, it changes us. The more time I spend in prayer surrendering any given issue to God, the more He will change my heart to match His. While I was in Colorado, God allowed me to know the inside story of one of His children who is going through, what I would consider, an extremely difficult time. I was given the opportunity to spend a great deal of time asking God to intervene in this circumstance. Maybe it was because I wasn’t praying for myself, maybe it was because I could see in God’s Word how I knew God wanted to answer this prayer, maybe it was because without God all hope seemed lost, maybe it was simply because I knew there was no other way to help, but regardless of the reason, I became extremely dedicated to praying for this situation and soon I found myself praying about something like I had never prayed before. In the book of James, God tells us to ask with the belief that He is capable and not to doubt that belief. For the first time, I felt like God was showing me what that looked like; what it meant to ask God for His goodness and His mercy, knowing that He could do the impossible if only I had enough faith to ask Him. And I have watched God answer that prayer and He answered in it in a mighty way.
I met a lot of new people while I was in Denver and formed some awesome friendships. One of those friendships is with a wonderful Midwestern girl named Kristin. Kristin was a fellow bridesmaid with me, but since the wedding has returned to Costa Rica to finish a teaching assignment. A few weeks ago, I received a message from Kristin telling me that her college roommate, Nicki, took a teaching job in Albert Lea and would be moving before the end of the summer. And I am so very excited and thankful for the blessing that a new friend brings, especially one that actually lives in my town!!
This morning, as I introduced myself to this new friend over breakfast, I was reminded of where I was a year ago and how much had changed. I remembered my conversation with Kara about what the upcoming year would bring and how God would use us… and I can say with confidence that neither of us expected the changes He brought about.
As I look to the future, asking God what it is He wants for the next year of my life, I am encouraged by the fact that God has been sovereign all along. It has been no secret that in my recent history that God has been teaching me about patience, about waiting without running ahead of Him, waiting without planning out each possible option. And as I look to the future and wait for God, I can honestly say, that I am waiting patiently, that I have surrendered the next chapter over to Him and although some days it is easier than other, that I am content to wait on Him.
Sometimes, it is discouraging that I am not sure what the next chapter is in my life or when God will turn the page, but I am thankful that I have learned that I can confidently go before the throne of God and ask with faith that He will lead me to the next season, to ask that He would even lead me to what seems impossible in my life.
I have been purposeful in my decision to serve God while I wait on Him, however today, God convicted me of the fact that I am not always willing to praise Him while I wait. And I am reminded that He has given me everything I need for life and godliness, that I was bought with a price, that the joy of the Lord is my strength, and that today is the day that He has made and I need to rejoice and be glad in it.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
For Kara
Today is finally here. We have been dreaming of it for years, we have been anticipating it for eight months, we have been planning it for weeks, and we have anxiously been awaiting (and preparing for) its arrival together for five days. It is finally here and I could not be happier for you.
Our friendship started in the darkest of places, a college statistics class. I dreaded this class. With math being the least of the things I could ever possibly dream of being successful at, I had been putting it off, but the semester had come and there was no more procrastinating. This was the very first time I saw how our friendship was a testimony to God's faithfulness. Although some may say it was merely coincidence or some may even call it fate, I know that God had planned before the beginning of time that both you and I would enroll in Math 2208 with David Atwood in the Spring of 2005.
I remember the first day of class clearly, I sat in the third row on the east side of the classroom. I arrived slightly early, as I had time to kill between classes and I remember watching you arrive, taking a seat in the second row on the west side of the classroom. I remember thinking "I'm gonna be that girl's friends... she looks like a Christian and together, we are going to make through this class." Now what a Christian looks like, I am not exactly sure, but from the very first moment I met you, you displayed the love of Christ not only with your words and actions, but by your demeanor and attitude. Although I did not comprehend the fact in it's entirety then, you are and always have been a candle on a hill that humbly shines the light of Christ. Unfortunately, it was a few class periods before we ended up in our permanent seats next to each other where we remained for the rest of the semester. If that ridiculous football player would have taken the hint that you were not interested in him, it wouldn't have taken nearly as long. Thank goodness for that away football game that caused him to miss class, so I could rightly steal his seat!
Our friendship began quickly, again by God's grace, He orchestrated a Christian professor who strongly supported study groups and offered to drop our lowest test score if we formed a group and met three times throughout the semester. I have never had this type of offer in any other college class and once again, I see that it was always God's plan that you and I were to be friends.
Little did we know that you and I shared the same group of friends. I will never forget the game night that I walked into the basement of "the guys' house" and at the exact same moment both of us asked the other, "What are you doing here!!" From there on out, we were inseparable.
We have seen each other through the best and the worst, through celebrations like graduation and liscensure in our fields of study and we have each been on the other end of the phone when heartache or tradegy struck, we have enjoy times of laughter and life, but also darkness and sorrow. And through it all, we have encourage and pushed either other to rely on our Creator.
God has used all types of things to strengthen our friendship, things like the Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center, your parent's decision to move, and a trip home to help them, an extra twins ticket, similar cell phones, a strange obession with matching wardrobes, even Wester family night with the Wii. Your friendship is a testimony to God's faithfulness in my life. Each one of this things is an affirmation that God had bigger plans for us than we had for ourselves. I know, without a doubt, that it is God who has ordained our friendship from the beginning just as I know that He ordained your marriage with Jon. Just as He used the littlest, random things to bring you and I together - who knew that He could use a Mario costume, facebook, and a strange seating arrangement at Chili's to bring it all together for you and Jon . He brought someone into your life that suits you better than either you or I could have dreamed of.
Your relationship came together so perfectly that it could have only be composed of by the Father of Lights; for truly, every good and perfect gift comes from Him. Although, I knew you would never settle for anything less than God's best for you - Jon never fails to impress me in his love for you. It is evident that he will spend the rest of his life striving to love you as Christ love the church and that you will always be a beautiful young bride in his eyes. As you prepare to say your vows today, hopefully without hysterical laughing or crying, I know that it is undoubtedly your heart's desire to be the type of wife that Proverbs 31 describes. And even though it is an impossible to accomplish on your own, I promise to encourage you, support you and pray for you as you enter into this holy union.
Our friendship started in the darkest of places, a college statistics class. I dreaded this class. With math being the least of the things I could ever possibly dream of being successful at, I had been putting it off, but the semester had come and there was no more procrastinating. This was the very first time I saw how our friendship was a testimony to God's faithfulness. Although some may say it was merely coincidence or some may even call it fate, I know that God had planned before the beginning of time that both you and I would enroll in Math 2208 with David Atwood in the Spring of 2005.
I remember the first day of class clearly, I sat in the third row on the east side of the classroom. I arrived slightly early, as I had time to kill between classes and I remember watching you arrive, taking a seat in the second row on the west side of the classroom. I remember thinking "I'm gonna be that girl's friends... she looks like a Christian and together, we are going to make through this class." Now what a Christian looks like, I am not exactly sure, but from the very first moment I met you, you displayed the love of Christ not only with your words and actions, but by your demeanor and attitude. Although I did not comprehend the fact in it's entirety then, you are and always have been a candle on a hill that humbly shines the light of Christ. Unfortunately, it was a few class periods before we ended up in our permanent seats next to each other where we remained for the rest of the semester. If that ridiculous football player would have taken the hint that you were not interested in him, it wouldn't have taken nearly as long. Thank goodness for that away football game that caused him to miss class, so I could rightly steal his seat!
Our friendship began quickly, again by God's grace, He orchestrated a Christian professor who strongly supported study groups and offered to drop our lowest test score if we formed a group and met three times throughout the semester. I have never had this type of offer in any other college class and once again, I see that it was always God's plan that you and I were to be friends.
Little did we know that you and I shared the same group of friends. I will never forget the game night that I walked into the basement of "the guys' house" and at the exact same moment both of us asked the other, "What are you doing here!!" From there on out, we were inseparable.
We have seen each other through the best and the worst, through celebrations like graduation and liscensure in our fields of study and we have each been on the other end of the phone when heartache or tradegy struck, we have enjoy times of laughter and life, but also darkness and sorrow. And through it all, we have encourage and pushed either other to rely on our Creator.
God has used all types of things to strengthen our friendship, things like the Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center, your parent's decision to move, and a trip home to help them, an extra twins ticket, similar cell phones, a strange obession with matching wardrobes, even Wester family night with the Wii. Your friendship is a testimony to God's faithfulness in my life. Each one of this things is an affirmation that God had bigger plans for us than we had for ourselves. I know, without a doubt, that it is God who has ordained our friendship from the beginning just as I know that He ordained your marriage with Jon. Just as He used the littlest, random things to bring you and I together - who knew that He could use a Mario costume, facebook, and a strange seating arrangement at Chili's to bring it all together for you and Jon . He brought someone into your life that suits you better than either you or I could have dreamed of.
Your relationship came together so perfectly that it could have only be composed of by the Father of Lights; for truly, every good and perfect gift comes from Him. Although, I knew you would never settle for anything less than God's best for you - Jon never fails to impress me in his love for you. It is evident that he will spend the rest of his life striving to love you as Christ love the church and that you will always be a beautiful young bride in his eyes. As you prepare to say your vows today, hopefully without hysterical laughing or crying, I know that it is undoubtedly your heart's desire to be the type of wife that Proverbs 31 describes. And even though it is an impossible to accomplish on your own, I promise to encourage you, support you and pray for you as you enter into this holy union.
May God be with you and bless you;
May you see your children's children.
May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in blessings,
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward.
I wish you all the happiest of happy years and a lifetime of love.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
God's Perfect Timing
So, its not any news that God has been teaching me a lot about patience lately... I am coming to a point (and its only taken me 26 years to get there) when I think that I am finally starting to understand what it means to be dependent on God and rely on Him for His plan for my life.
I absolutely love when God speaks to me and I am being attentive enough to listen. I recently started reading the book of Luke and I love what God is revealing to me. In the first chapter of Luke, God opened my eyes to something that was so encouraging to my heart.
Now, it is probably not surprising to anyone who knows me that the life I am living today is not exactly the one I would have chosen for myself. Never in a million years was being a paramedic part of my plan, much less living in Albert Lea and working as interim ministry staff for a church. My plans were to be married and raising a small brood of children by now. And as I watch friend after friend marry and move to this whole new stage of life that often leaves me and my friendship behind, I have asked God, "When is it my turn?? I have listened, I have obeyed, why is it me who feels like I just don't have a place to belong"
You see, the problem is that I just don't understand God's timing - I know He has a plan for me and I know He wants whats best for me - But, my heart so often asks the question "God, don't you know how hard this is?" I have always done my very best to make the most of the situation God has given me. Being single doesn't mean I will sit around and wait for life to start - No, God has blessed me too much to take on that attitude. So, instead, I have traveled, I have done missions, I have done my best to minister to others, I have served His people and His church and I have loved every minute of it. But yet, the question remains - "God, don't you know how hard this is for me??
Then on a quiet Tuesday morning during my time with God, He revealed something to me. In the first chapter of his book, Luke tells us about a lovely elderly couple named Zechariah and Elizabeth. Zach and Liz were both godly people, righteous in the sight of the Lord. Zechariah was from the line of Aaron and therefore served with the priestly division of Abijah. Luke says that they observed all the commands and decrees of the Lord blamelessly - but they had no children.
In this chapter, Zechariah is chosen by lot, according to the custom of the priesthood, to go into the temple and burn incense. While he was in the temple performing his job, an angel shows up, just chilling out on the right side of the altar. Now Zechariah's immediate response was that he was a little freaked out.
But the angel said to him, "Do not be afraid, Zechariah, your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son and you are to call him John. He will be a joy and a delight to you and many will rejoice because of his birth." Did you catch that?? I must have read it a hundred times in my life before I paid attention... you see, the angel said "Your prayer has been heard."
Now, I have not faced the hardship of infertility, but I have watched while many of friends struggle with the emotional turmoil that comes along with infertility. I can only imagine that Elizabeth and Zechariah's heartache and pain was just as deep - but God had not forgotten them, God had not turned a deaf ear to their prayer. He just simply had a better plan!!!
Now, some of you might not know the rest of the story. I'll skip some of the details and get to the point - Elizabeth did have a son, even though she was past the age of child bearing. She gave birth to a son named John and just has the angel had said to Zechariah, He brought many of the people of Israel back to the Lord. God commissioned him to go on before Jesus and prepare the way of the Lord. You might know him as John the Baptist.
Had God answered Elizabeth and Zechariah's prayer in their timing - a huge chunk of the story would have been missing; prophecies left unfilled and hundreds would have never heard the gospel. And their son would have been robbed the blessing of being the one who baptised the Son of God and served Him with his whole life.
God has a plan - and His plan is infinitely better than mine. God knows my heart.... but He also knows my pain and believe me, my friends, when I say I do not hurt in vain. God knows what is around the corner and it will be bigger and better than I can plan for myself - and God will bless me for my obedience and desire to serve Him.
So maybe, just maybe, you are hurting too - or maybe you are struggling with what it means to rely on God and His plans for your life - or maybe you are relying on God and the wait just seems to be so long.... if you are, take heart, God has a plan.
1 Corinthians 2:9:
However, as it is written:
“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
the things God has prepared for those who love him—
I absolutely love when God speaks to me and I am being attentive enough to listen. I recently started reading the book of Luke and I love what God is revealing to me. In the first chapter of Luke, God opened my eyes to something that was so encouraging to my heart.
Now, it is probably not surprising to anyone who knows me that the life I am living today is not exactly the one I would have chosen for myself. Never in a million years was being a paramedic part of my plan, much less living in Albert Lea and working as interim ministry staff for a church. My plans were to be married and raising a small brood of children by now. And as I watch friend after friend marry and move to this whole new stage of life that often leaves me and my friendship behind, I have asked God, "When is it my turn?? I have listened, I have obeyed, why is it me who feels like I just don't have a place to belong"
You see, the problem is that I just don't understand God's timing - I know He has a plan for me and I know He wants whats best for me - But, my heart so often asks the question "God, don't you know how hard this is?" I have always done my very best to make the most of the situation God has given me. Being single doesn't mean I will sit around and wait for life to start - No, God has blessed me too much to take on that attitude. So, instead, I have traveled, I have done missions, I have done my best to minister to others, I have served His people and His church and I have loved every minute of it. But yet, the question remains - "God, don't you know how hard this is for me??
Then on a quiet Tuesday morning during my time with God, He revealed something to me. In the first chapter of his book, Luke tells us about a lovely elderly couple named Zechariah and Elizabeth. Zach and Liz were both godly people, righteous in the sight of the Lord. Zechariah was from the line of Aaron and therefore served with the priestly division of Abijah. Luke says that they observed all the commands and decrees of the Lord blamelessly - but they had no children.
In this chapter, Zechariah is chosen by lot, according to the custom of the priesthood, to go into the temple and burn incense. While he was in the temple performing his job, an angel shows up, just chilling out on the right side of the altar. Now Zechariah's immediate response was that he was a little freaked out.
But the angel said to him, "Do not be afraid, Zechariah, your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son and you are to call him John. He will be a joy and a delight to you and many will rejoice because of his birth." Did you catch that?? I must have read it a hundred times in my life before I paid attention... you see, the angel said "Your prayer has been heard."
Now, I have not faced the hardship of infertility, but I have watched while many of friends struggle with the emotional turmoil that comes along with infertility. I can only imagine that Elizabeth and Zechariah's heartache and pain was just as deep - but God had not forgotten them, God had not turned a deaf ear to their prayer. He just simply had a better plan!!!
Now, some of you might not know the rest of the story. I'll skip some of the details and get to the point - Elizabeth did have a son, even though she was past the age of child bearing. She gave birth to a son named John and just has the angel had said to Zechariah, He brought many of the people of Israel back to the Lord. God commissioned him to go on before Jesus and prepare the way of the Lord. You might know him as John the Baptist.
Had God answered Elizabeth and Zechariah's prayer in their timing - a huge chunk of the story would have been missing; prophecies left unfilled and hundreds would have never heard the gospel. And their son would have been robbed the blessing of being the one who baptised the Son of God and served Him with his whole life.
God has a plan - and His plan is infinitely better than mine. God knows my heart.... but He also knows my pain and believe me, my friends, when I say I do not hurt in vain. God knows what is around the corner and it will be bigger and better than I can plan for myself - and God will bless me for my obedience and desire to serve Him.
So maybe, just maybe, you are hurting too - or maybe you are struggling with what it means to rely on God and His plans for your life - or maybe you are relying on God and the wait just seems to be so long.... if you are, take heart, God has a plan.
1 Corinthians 2:9:
However, as it is written:
“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
the things God has prepared for those who love him—
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Good Ship, Friendship
I think one of the greatest privileges of my life will be the moments where my phone rings a familiar personalized ring tone and I answer to hear the words "I just need a friend."
Last week, a friend of mine Maureen lost her battle with cancer and although we know that she has fought the good fight and is now with the Lord, it was a heart-breaking event to know that she was no longer with those she dearly loved in body. I did not know Maureen very well, we shared the same group of friends several years back. We shared one very good mutual friend and I got to experience Maureen's kindness and warmth through Hannah as well as when we would share watching church softball games and eating pizza afterwards. Her love for life was unique - she was a beautiful woman inside and out, she was quiet and kind but her love for her Lord, her husband and her son was large and loud. Although Maureen is in Heaven - she leaves a legacy. A legacy of friendship that is told through the friends that sat by her bedside in her last weeks on earth, that support her husband and her son in their loss, and rejoice in their grief that she is not in pain.
Maureen's legacy of friendship reminds of the friendships that I hold closest to my heart. It makes me realize what a great privilege friendship is. I remember back to the winter of 2007. I was working a 24 hour shift, it was Wednesday night and my roommate called me. She was just leaving a young adults event that both usually attended weekly and she had called me tell me to pray. She was with my friend, the Adventurer; No one had seen or heard from his father and things were beginning to look worrisome. I remember the phone call an hour later saying that his father had died and I needed to get on the road. When I arrived, I found a house full of my closest friends and we stayed for hours. We were there when his siblings arrived and as the Adventurer told them the news. We prayed and cried until finally exhaustion set in. The next few days were a blur of activity. Out of the group of seven of us, we were rarely alone; we found we were most effective in a minimum of at least two - although we all had separate responsibilities we banned together while some planned a funeral other made meals to feed a large crowd for weeks. And when there was nothing else left to do, we played poker, ate John Hardys late at night and laughed amongst the tears - trying to make sense of the hurt that taken us all by surprised.
Just last month, tragedy struck again. This time - it was much more quiet, much more private, but the feeling struck the same way as I again answered my phone and was the words echoed through the air "I need you, please come."
Although my heart fills with ache for my friends who have loved and lost; and I would do anything to remove that pain from them if I could... these are the times I treasure most in my life. God has given me the opportunity and the ability to grieve along side the ones that I love and I do so in hopes that my support will bring comfort to them and absorb some of the blow of the pain they are feeling.
So whether its the Roommate calling to share the things I can so easily relate to, the Adventurer who lost his father, the Rockstar calling asking if he can vent, the Travel Companion wondering how she will survive until the test results are back, the Amish Army wife who needs a friend she can trust, the First Lady sharing her frustrations of "this too shall pass", or the Good Witch of the East telling me about decisions revolving around car payments and storage units... these are the times that I realize that one of the most honored titles of my life will the title of "friend."
One of my favorite Bible verse is Proverbs 27:6 - "Faithful are the wounds of a friend." I am so blessed by the ones I love and the ones who have poured into me even when it was difficult for them. I grateful for those who continually speak truth in my life, even when that truth in painful.
Thank You, God, that you did not intend for us to walk this journey alone.
Last week, a friend of mine Maureen lost her battle with cancer and although we know that she has fought the good fight and is now with the Lord, it was a heart-breaking event to know that she was no longer with those she dearly loved in body. I did not know Maureen very well, we shared the same group of friends several years back. We shared one very good mutual friend and I got to experience Maureen's kindness and warmth through Hannah as well as when we would share watching church softball games and eating pizza afterwards. Her love for life was unique - she was a beautiful woman inside and out, she was quiet and kind but her love for her Lord, her husband and her son was large and loud. Although Maureen is in Heaven - she leaves a legacy. A legacy of friendship that is told through the friends that sat by her bedside in her last weeks on earth, that support her husband and her son in their loss, and rejoice in their grief that she is not in pain.
Maureen's legacy of friendship reminds of the friendships that I hold closest to my heart. It makes me realize what a great privilege friendship is. I remember back to the winter of 2007. I was working a 24 hour shift, it was Wednesday night and my roommate called me. She was just leaving a young adults event that both usually attended weekly and she had called me tell me to pray. She was with my friend, the Adventurer; No one had seen or heard from his father and things were beginning to look worrisome. I remember the phone call an hour later saying that his father had died and I needed to get on the road. When I arrived, I found a house full of my closest friends and we stayed for hours. We were there when his siblings arrived and as the Adventurer told them the news. We prayed and cried until finally exhaustion set in. The next few days were a blur of activity. Out of the group of seven of us, we were rarely alone; we found we were most effective in a minimum of at least two - although we all had separate responsibilities we banned together while some planned a funeral other made meals to feed a large crowd for weeks. And when there was nothing else left to do, we played poker, ate John Hardys late at night and laughed amongst the tears - trying to make sense of the hurt that taken us all by surprised.
Just last month, tragedy struck again. This time - it was much more quiet, much more private, but the feeling struck the same way as I again answered my phone and was the words echoed through the air "I need you, please come."
Although my heart fills with ache for my friends who have loved and lost; and I would do anything to remove that pain from them if I could... these are the times I treasure most in my life. God has given me the opportunity and the ability to grieve along side the ones that I love and I do so in hopes that my support will bring comfort to them and absorb some of the blow of the pain they are feeling.
So whether its the Roommate calling to share the things I can so easily relate to, the Adventurer who lost his father, the Rockstar calling asking if he can vent, the Travel Companion wondering how she will survive until the test results are back, the Amish Army wife who needs a friend she can trust, the First Lady sharing her frustrations of "this too shall pass", or the Good Witch of the East telling me about decisions revolving around car payments and storage units... these are the times that I realize that one of the most honored titles of my life will the title of "friend."
One of my favorite Bible verse is Proverbs 27:6 - "Faithful are the wounds of a friend." I am so blessed by the ones I love and the ones who have poured into me even when it was difficult for them. I grateful for those who continually speak truth in my life, even when that truth in painful.
Thank You, God, that you did not intend for us to walk this journey alone.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Herbet the Snail says to "Have Patience"
Following the typical route for any given entry in my blog, God has been working on something in my heart for the past days - there is something that urges me to write, but I can't quite seem to find the words. Often times, when I sit to write, I have many scattered thoughts but no direct sense of what I am trying to say. I think that God uses writing to help me make sense of what He is trying to teach me. As I reflect on this - I see how it wasn't until I started using a prayer journal in day-to-day life that my relationship with God became personal and intimate. So, giving the same disclaimer as before, this could be messy... but while I hope that this is encouraging for those who read it, I realize that my number one "follower" already knows the words before I type them.
God is teaching me a lot about patience lately, not just about waiting, but about true patience and the peace that accompanies this very difficult virtue. In my life, I am coming to a point where I can define patience as "a willingness to fully trust God while waiting for His will."
Now, you see, the difference in my life between waiting and patience is this important key factor of "fully trusting God." Now for many years, I have been good at waiting... but while I wait, I figure out what I am sure must be God's next step for my life so that way, when he finally reveals that to me - I am already one step ahead of Him. To the outsider looking in, it might appear that I have been patient, but in reality I have failed to trust my God to know and execute what is best for me. And in the process, I have missed out on some really awesome opportunities - including some extremely personal fellowship with God.
In the past few weeks, there is a continuous stirring in my heart that says "abide in Me.” I feel that God is calling to me, saying stop figuring out the future, stop trying to tend to the things that I already have taken care of and just abide in me, rest in My will for your life; take today and live it for me and I will take care of tomorrow. These words remind me of Jesus' teaching in John and as I look through John 15, I am reminded that patience cannot come on my own.
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.
"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.
"If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. (John 15:4-6)
I am kind of astonished as I read this - I am overly familiar with this passage, but there it is - plain as day. The branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine! And what are the fruits of the Spirit? Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Meekness and Self-Control (if my memory of Steve Green's children's song serves me correctly).
I read verse six and think about how many times I feel so dried up and ready to be burned, infact - i use the term "burnt out." Its because I am trying to wait for God on my own accord instead of having patience by abiding in Him. Jesus not only promises us patience but all of the fruit of the Spirit if we simply abide in Him, including His peace for the unknown road ahead.
I learn as I write thus changing the point of my blog, however, you are probably wondering who Herbet the Snail is... When I started writing this blog about patience, I was reminded back to my high school years. In highschool and throughout college, my girlfriends and I would sing this song to each other repeatedly - it usually was in regards to our frustrations with boys and we would remind ourselves to be patient. As God has been convicting me of my need for patience the past few days, this song as come to mind once again. And now, while our frustations and need for patience comes from all types of situations, (sometimes they still involves boys; while my frustrations with boys are often the same as they were 5-10 years ago, their frustrations more often tend to do with the charming, yet annoying, habits of their husbands) the song offers the same message. The song is about a little snail named Herbet and he often has to remind his friends to have patience.
The lyrics goes as such,
"Have Patience, Have Patience.
Don't be in such a hurry.
When you get impatient,
You only start to worry.
Remember, Remember, That God is patient too,
So think of all the times that others have to wait for you."
This has gotten rather lengthy - thanks to Herbet the Snail, but I will leave you with this one last verse. God has continually been reminding me that although I can plan my way all that I want, it is God Himself who will establish His Will for my life and life will be far easier for me if only I learn to abide in Him.
The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9
learning and growing,
Kathryn
God is teaching me a lot about patience lately, not just about waiting, but about true patience and the peace that accompanies this very difficult virtue. In my life, I am coming to a point where I can define patience as "a willingness to fully trust God while waiting for His will."
Now, you see, the difference in my life between waiting and patience is this important key factor of "fully trusting God." Now for many years, I have been good at waiting... but while I wait, I figure out what I am sure must be God's next step for my life so that way, when he finally reveals that to me - I am already one step ahead of Him. To the outsider looking in, it might appear that I have been patient, but in reality I have failed to trust my God to know and execute what is best for me. And in the process, I have missed out on some really awesome opportunities - including some extremely personal fellowship with God.
In the past few weeks, there is a continuous stirring in my heart that says "abide in Me.” I feel that God is calling to me, saying stop figuring out the future, stop trying to tend to the things that I already have taken care of and just abide in me, rest in My will for your life; take today and live it for me and I will take care of tomorrow. These words remind me of Jesus' teaching in John and as I look through John 15, I am reminded that patience cannot come on my own.
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.
"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.
"If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. (John 15:4-6)
I am kind of astonished as I read this - I am overly familiar with this passage, but there it is - plain as day. The branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine! And what are the fruits of the Spirit? Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Meekness and Self-Control (if my memory of Steve Green's children's song serves me correctly).
I read verse six and think about how many times I feel so dried up and ready to be burned, infact - i use the term "burnt out." Its because I am trying to wait for God on my own accord instead of having patience by abiding in Him. Jesus not only promises us patience but all of the fruit of the Spirit if we simply abide in Him, including His peace for the unknown road ahead.
I learn as I write thus changing the point of my blog, however, you are probably wondering who Herbet the Snail is... When I started writing this blog about patience, I was reminded back to my high school years. In highschool and throughout college, my girlfriends and I would sing this song to each other repeatedly - it usually was in regards to our frustrations with boys and we would remind ourselves to be patient. As God has been convicting me of my need for patience the past few days, this song as come to mind once again. And now, while our frustations and need for patience comes from all types of situations, (sometimes they still involves boys; while my frustrations with boys are often the same as they were 5-10 years ago, their frustrations more often tend to do with the charming, yet annoying, habits of their husbands) the song offers the same message. The song is about a little snail named Herbet and he often has to remind his friends to have patience.
The lyrics goes as such,
"Have Patience, Have Patience.
Don't be in such a hurry.
When you get impatient,
You only start to worry.
Remember, Remember, That God is patient too,
So think of all the times that others have to wait for you."
This has gotten rather lengthy - thanks to Herbet the Snail, but I will leave you with this one last verse. God has continually been reminding me that although I can plan my way all that I want, it is God Himself who will establish His Will for my life and life will be far easier for me if only I learn to abide in Him.
The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9
learning and growing,
Kathryn
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