The week of September 12th has been a rough one for me as well as many of my co-workers. On Monday, my employer announced that they were cutting each of our hours. Since I was hired in 2005, we have been working 24-hour shifts. It was announced that, system wide, 24-hour shifts were being eliminated, thus decreasing some FTEs by nearly fifty percent. As one might imagine, that is a huge pay cut for us.
I was quite surprised by my reaction. You see, this wasn't a huge surprise for any of us. We all knew eventually this was coming. Nationally 24-hour shifts are being eliminated because of the liability and risk that comes along with them - but we thought we had a year or two before it happened. However, when our staff meeting was mysteriously moved up a week - we knew there was going to be some "bomb dropped" and we all expected that it would be announcement that 12 hour shifts were being implemented. I had several conversations with many co-workers as well as a few close friends about the countless possibilities that this news could bring. I felt prepared. However, when the actual announcement was made and management stated that there was no plan in place to compensate us for our loss of income - I was overwhelmed. I spent the majority of the day in tears trying understand how my whole world had come crashing down in one single announcement. The meeting had started off like any other - but at the end, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I no longer had any idea where I stood in the world.
But there is more to this story... Let's rewind back to January. At the beginning of the year, I was up to my elbows in responsibility and things that needed to be accomplished. There seemed to be no end in sight. Every where I turned, there were things that required my attention and it had become more and more evident that God has placed me in Albert Lea for an exact time and purpose. Yet, in the midst of all of this, I felt that God was preparing me to leave Albert Lea. When, I was unsure. Why, no clue. For what, not the faintest idea. But, I felt that God was telling me that my time was coming to a close. At first, it all seemed a bit odd, but God continued to confirm to me repeatedly, even throughout this past summer, that my time in Albert Lea was in fact coming to an end.
I was prepared to put my house on the market this fall and wait for what God had me to do. But recently, I have begin to doubt myself. I have always known that I would never find a better job in EMS than the one I have in Albert Lea. Was I really ready to sacrifice that?? Was this really God's will?? Maybe I should hold off until I had something else lined up. I continued to ask God to confirm and reveal what His plans were for me... and then Monday happened. My world fell apart. I have spent hours in tears over this announcement. I love my house. I love my job. I love my co-workers. I love helping people. I love having a job that I excel at. I love being confident enough in what I am doing that I can bring comfort to patients and their families. I love the professional relationships I have with nurses and doctors. I love the things I have learned in this job - things that no other EMS job would have offered me. At 26 years of age, my life looks so different than I ever thought it would look - but the thing I took solace in was that God has blessed me with a job that exceeded my expectations of a career and a beautiful house to call home. Now, that job no longer offers the income I need to pay the bills and I can no longer afford my house payment.
At first glance, it seems overwhelming and discouraging. However, there is hope to be found in the second glance. God has been preparing my heart for this and when I began to doubt myself - God confirmed that my time in Albert Lea is coming to a close. I just thought that God would bring the next opportunity to my doorstep, before He removed the current one.
I was reading in Genesis 6. Most of us know the story of Noah and his Ark... but I found comfort in his story today. God tells Noah - "Listen up, I'm about to flood this earth, so I want you to build a big 'ol boat, take your wife, your sons, your sons' wives, and why you're at it - 2 of every kind of creature on the face of the earth... load them into the big boat along with enough food to feed you all and then I am gonna destroy everything on Earth." (obvious paraphrase). Noah did not know what would come of him, his family and all these animals after this. Noah did not know what would happen next, he did not have a detailed plan for himself, his wife and their children. He did not know what the future would hold - but yet, God gave a command and Noah obey and God did not fail him.
It is often said that you will never walk on water until you get out of the boat. God is commanding me to get out of the boat. And in the midst of this situation, I can make the decision to trust God. There is a difference between reluctantly accepting something because there is no other option and making a conscious effort to trust God because I believe that He is wise, good, and sovereign. God is still in control and I continue to see how He has prepared me for this time. Today, I found a note written in a draft of an email on phone that was a small tidbit of a sermon I heard in July. The note said this "Ps. 37:7. An unknown future is the only guarantee for me. Will I go where God calls me??" Even back in July - God was preparing me because He knew that I was going to need to follow Him into the scariest of circumstances - the unknown.
My first purpose in life has always been and will always be to bring glory to God. One of my favorite authors recently made a statement in her blog that hit home with me, "There’s little glory found in sailing a boat through quiet waters." If I long to bring God glory, I must be willing navigate and sail through troubled waters and when He calls, I must be willing to step out of the boat even when I cannot fathom what good might come out of it.
Psalm 37:7 ~ Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
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