For Kara

Today is finally here. We have been dreaming of it for years, we have been anticipating it for eight months, we have been planning it for weeks, and we have anxiously been awaiting (and preparing for) its arrival together for five days. It is finally here and I could not be happier for you.



Our friendship started in the darkest of places, a college statistics class. I dreaded this class. With math being the least of the things I could ever possibly dream of being successful at, I had been putting it off, but the semester had come and there was no more procrastinating. This was the very first time I saw how our friendship was a testimony to God's faithfulness. Although some may say it was merely coincidence or some may even call it fate, I know that God had planned before the beginning of time that both you and I would enroll in Math 2208 with David Atwood in the Spring of 2005.
I remember the first day of class clearly, I sat in the third row on the east side of the classroom. I arrived slightly early, as I had time to kill between classes and I remember watching you arrive, taking a seat in the second row on the west side of the classroom. I remember thinking "I'm gonna be that girl's friends... she looks like a Christian and together, we are going to make through this class." Now what a Christian looks like, I am not exactly sure, but from the very first moment I met you, you displayed the love of Christ not only with your words and actions, but by your demeanor and attitude. Although I did not comprehend the fact in it's entirety then, you are and always have been a candle on a hill that humbly shines the light of Christ. Unfortunately, it was a few class periods before we ended up in our permanent seats next to each other where we remained for the rest of the semester. If that ridiculous football player would have taken the hint that you were not interested in him, it wouldn't have taken nearly as long. Thank goodness for that away football game that caused him to miss class, so I could rightly steal his seat!



Our friendship began quickly, again by God's grace, He orchestrated a Christian professor who strongly supported study groups and offered to drop our lowest test score if we formed a group and met three times throughout the semester. I have never had this type of offer in any other college class and once again, I see that it was always God's plan that you and I were to be friends.



Little did we know that you and I shared the same group of friends. I will never forget the game night that I walked into the basement of "the guys' house" and at the exact same moment both of us asked the other, "What are you doing here!!" From there on out, we were inseparable.

We have seen each other through the best and the worst, through celebrations like graduation and liscensure in our fields of study and we have each been on the other end of the phone when heartache or tradegy struck, we have enjoy times of laughter and life, but also darkness and sorrow. And through it all, we have encourage and pushed either other to rely on our Creator.

God has used all types of things to strengthen our friendship, things like the Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center, your parent's decision to move, and a trip home to help them, an extra twins ticket, similar cell phones, a strange obession with matching wardrobes, even Wester family night with the Wii. Your friendship is a testimony to God's faithfulness in my life. Each one of this things is an affirmation that God had bigger plans for us than we had for ourselves. I know, without a doubt, that it is God who has ordained our friendship from the beginning just as I know that He ordained your marriage with Jon. Just as He used the littlest, random things to bring you and I together - who knew that He could use a Mario costume, facebook, and a strange seating arrangement at Chili's to bring it all together for you and Jon . He brought someone into your life that suits you better than either you or I could have dreamed of.


Your relationship came together so perfectly that it could have only be composed of by the Father of Lights; for truly, every good and perfect gift comes from Him. Although, I knew you would never settle for anything less than God's best for you - Jon never fails to impress me in his love for you. It is evident that he will spend the rest of his life striving to love you as Christ love the church and that you will always be a beautiful young bride in his eyes. As you prepare to say your vows today, hopefully without hysterical laughing or crying, I know that it is undoubtedly your heart's desire to be the type of wife that Proverbs 31 describes. And even though it is an impossible to accomplish on your own, I promise to encourage you, support you and pray for you as you enter into this holy union.

May God be with you and bless you;
May you see your children's children.
May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in blessings,
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward.

I wish you all the happiest of happy years and a lifetime of love.

God's Perfect Timing

So, its not any news that God has been teaching me a lot about patience lately... I am coming to a point (and its only taken me 26 years to get there) when I think that I am finally starting to understand what it means to be dependent on God and rely on Him for His plan for my life.

I absolutely love when God speaks to me and I am being attentive enough to listen. I recently started reading the book of Luke and I love what God is revealing to me. In the first chapter of Luke, God opened my eyes to something that was so encouraging to my heart.

Now, it is probably not surprising to anyone who knows me that the life I am living today is not exactly the one I would have chosen for myself. Never in a million years was being a paramedic part of my plan, much less living in Albert Lea and working as interim ministry staff for a church. My plans were to be married and raising a small brood of children by now. And as I watch friend after friend marry and move to this whole new stage of life that often leaves me and my friendship behind, I have asked God, "When is it my turn?? I have listened, I have obeyed, why is it me who feels like I just don't have a place to belong"

You see, the problem is that I just don't understand God's timing - I know He has a plan for me and I know He wants whats best for me - But, my heart so often asks the question "God, don't you know how hard this is?" I have always done my very best to make the most of the situation God has given me. Being single doesn't mean I will sit around and wait for life to start - No, God has blessed me too much to take on that attitude. So, instead, I have traveled, I have done missions, I have done my best to minister to others, I have served His people and His church and I have loved every minute of it. But yet, the question remains - "God, don't you know how hard this is for me??

Then on a quiet Tuesday morning during my time with God, He revealed something to me. In the first chapter of his book, Luke tells us about a lovely elderly couple named Zechariah and Elizabeth. Zach and Liz were both godly people, righteous in the sight of the Lord. Zechariah was from the line of Aaron and therefore served with the priestly division of Abijah. Luke says that they observed all the commands and decrees of the Lord blamelessly - but they had no children.

In this chapter, Zechariah is chosen by lot, according to the custom of the priesthood, to go into the temple and burn incense. While he was in the temple performing his job, an angel shows up, just chilling out on the right side of the altar. Now Zechariah's immediate response was that he was a little freaked out.

But the angel said to him, "Do not be afraid, Zechariah, your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son and you are to call him John. He will be a joy and a delight to you and many will rejoice because of his birth." Did you catch that?? I must have read it a hundred times in my life before I paid attention... you see, the angel said "Your prayer has been heard."

Now, I have not faced the hardship of infertility, but I have watched while many of friends struggle with the emotional turmoil that comes along with infertility. I can only imagine that Elizabeth and Zechariah's heartache and pain was just as deep - but God had not forgotten them, God had not turned a deaf ear to their prayer. He just simply had a better plan!!!

Now, some of you might not know the rest of the story. I'll skip some of the details and get to the point - Elizabeth did have a son, even though she was past the age of child bearing. She gave birth to a son named John and just has the angel had said to Zechariah, He brought many of the people of Israel back to the Lord. God commissioned him to go on before Jesus and prepare the way of the Lord. You might know him as John the Baptist.

Had God answered Elizabeth and Zechariah's prayer in their timing - a huge chunk of the story would have been missing; prophecies left unfilled and hundreds would have never heard the gospel. And their son would have been robbed the blessing of being the one who baptised the Son of God and served Him with his whole life.

God has a plan - and His plan is infinitely better than mine. God knows my heart.... but He also knows my pain and believe me, my friends, when I say I do not hurt in vain. God knows what is around the corner and it will be bigger and better than I can plan for myself - and God will bless me for my obedience and desire to serve Him.

So maybe, just maybe, you are hurting too - or maybe you are struggling with what it means to rely on God and His plans for your life - or maybe you are relying on God and the wait just seems to be so long.... if you are, take heart, God has a plan.

1 Corinthians 2:9:
However, as it is written:

“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
the things God has prepared for those who love him—

The Good Ship, Friendship

I think one of the greatest privileges of my life will be the moments where my phone rings a familiar personalized ring tone and I answer to hear the words "I just need a friend."

Last week, a friend of mine Maureen lost her battle with cancer and although we know that she has fought the good fight and is now with the Lord, it was a heart-breaking event to know that she was no longer with those she dearly loved in body. I did not know Maureen very well, we shared the same group of friends several years back. We shared one very good mutual friend and I got to experience Maureen's kindness and warmth through Hannah as well as when we would share watching church softball games and eating pizza afterwards. Her love for life was unique - she was a beautiful woman inside and out, she was quiet and kind but her love for her Lord, her husband and her son was large and loud. Although Maureen is in Heaven - she leaves a legacy. A legacy of friendship that is told through the friends that sat by her bedside in her last weeks on earth, that support her husband and her son in their loss, and rejoice in their grief that she is not in pain.

Maureen's legacy of friendship reminds of the friendships that I hold closest to my heart. It makes me realize what a great privilege friendship is. I remember back to the winter of 2007. I was working a 24 hour shift, it was Wednesday night and my roommate called me. She was just leaving a young adults event that both usually attended weekly and she had called me tell me to pray. She was with my friend, the Adventurer; No one had seen or heard from his father and things were beginning to look worrisome. I remember the phone call an hour later saying that his father had died and I needed to get on the road. When I arrived, I found a house full of my closest friends and we stayed for hours. We were there when his siblings arrived and as the Adventurer told them the news. We prayed and cried until finally exhaustion set in. The next few days were a blur of activity. Out of the group of seven of us, we were rarely alone; we found we were most effective in a minimum of at least two - although we all had separate responsibilities we banned together while some planned a funeral other made meals to feed a large crowd for weeks. And when there was nothing else left to do, we played poker, ate John Hardys late at night and laughed amongst the tears - trying to make sense of the hurt that taken us all by surprised.

Just last month, tragedy struck again. This time - it was much more quiet, much more private, but the feeling struck the same way as I again answered my phone and was the words echoed through the air "I need you, please come."

Although my heart fills with ache for my friends who have loved and lost; and I would do anything to remove that pain from them if I could... these are the times I treasure most in my life. God has given me the opportunity and the ability to grieve along side the ones that I love and I do so in hopes that my support will bring comfort to them and absorb some of the blow of the pain they are feeling.

So whether its the Roommate calling to share the things I can so easily relate to, the Adventurer who lost his father, the Rockstar calling asking if he can vent, the Travel Companion wondering how she will survive until the test results are back, the Amish Army wife who needs a friend she can trust, the First Lady sharing her frustrations of "this too shall pass", or the Good Witch of the East telling me about decisions revolving around car payments and storage units... these are the times that I realize that one of the most honored titles of my life will the title of "friend."

One of my favorite Bible verse is Proverbs 27:6 - "Faithful are the wounds of a friend." I am so blessed by the ones I love and the ones who have poured into me even when it was difficult for them. I grateful for those who continually speak truth in my life, even when that truth in painful.

Thank You, God, that you did not intend for us to walk this journey alone.

Herbet the Snail says to "Have Patience"

Following the typical route for any given entry in my blog, God has been working on something in my heart for the past days - there is something that urges me to write, but I can't quite seem to find the words. Often times, when I sit to write, I have many scattered thoughts but no direct sense of what I am trying to say. I think that God uses writing to help me make sense of what He is trying to teach me. As I reflect on this - I see how it wasn't until I started using a prayer journal in day-to-day life that my relationship with God became personal and intimate. So, giving the same disclaimer as before, this could be messy... but while I hope that this is encouraging for those who read it, I realize that my number one "follower" already knows the words before I type them.



God is teaching me a lot about patience lately, not just about waiting, but about true patience and the peace that accompanies this very difficult virtue. In my life, I am coming to a point where I can define patience as "a willingness to fully trust God while waiting for His will."



Now, you see, the difference in my life between waiting and patience is this important key factor of "fully trusting God." Now for many years, I have been good at waiting... but while I wait, I figure out what I am sure must be God's next step for my life so that way, when he finally reveals that to me - I am already one step ahead of Him. To the outsider looking in, it might appear that I have been patient, but in reality I have failed to trust my God to know and execute what is best for me. And in the process, I have missed out on some really awesome opportunities - including some extremely personal fellowship with God.



In the past few weeks, there is a continuous stirring in my heart that says "abide in Me.” I feel that God is calling to me, saying stop figuring out the future, stop trying to tend to the things that I already have taken care of and just abide in me, rest in My will for your life; take today and live it for me and I will take care of tomorrow. These words remind me of Jesus' teaching in John and as I look through John 15, I am reminded that patience cannot come on my own.


Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.
"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.
"If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. (John 15:4-6)

I am kind of astonished as I read this - I am overly familiar with this passage, but there it is - plain as day. The branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine! And what are the fruits of the Spirit? Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Meekness and Self-Control (if my memory of Steve Green's children's song serves me correctly).

I read verse six and think about how many times I feel so dried up and ready to be burned, infact - i use the term "burnt out." Its because I am trying to wait for God on my own accord instead of having patience by abiding in Him. Jesus not only promises us patience but all of the fruit of the Spirit if we simply abide in Him, including His peace for the unknown road ahead.

I learn as I write thus changing the point of my blog, however, you are probably wondering who Herbet the Snail is... When I started writing this blog about patience, I was reminded back to my high school years. In highschool and throughout college, my girlfriends and I would sing this song to each other repeatedly - it usually was in regards to our frustrations with boys and we would remind ourselves to be patient. As God has been convicting me of my need for patience the past few days, this song as come to mind once again. And now, while our frustations and need for patience comes from all types of situations, (sometimes they still involves boys; while my frustrations with boys are often the same as they were 5-10 years ago, their frustrations more often tend to do with the charming, yet annoying, habits of their husbands) the song offers the same message. The song is about a little snail named Herbet and he often has to remind his friends to have patience.

The lyrics goes as such,
"Have Patience, Have Patience.
Don't be in such a hurry.
When you get impatient,
You only start to worry.
Remember, Remember, That God is patient too,
So think of all the times that others have to wait for you."

This has gotten rather lengthy - thanks to Herbet the Snail, but I will leave you with this one last verse. God has continually been reminding me that although I can plan my way all that I want, it is God Himself who will establish His Will for my life and life will be far easier for me if only I learn to abide in Him.

The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9

learning and growing,
Kathryn

He Has Overcome

So, I should really be packing and getting ready to hit the road for Rochester. However, I have had this urge to blog the past few days but couldn't seem to find the words to what express what has been on my heart this week. But, tonight, as I should be eagerly preparing to go home, something beckons me to sit and write. This blog could be very messy and I appologize ahead of time if my words do not seem well thought out.

Lately, I have had this overwhelming heaviness in my heart that I just don't belong. I feel like I am lacking a community or fellowship. Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing family, belong and am involved in a super great church, and I work some fantastic (well, most of the time) people. I have more than a lot of people have - but yet, I can't shake the feeling that I just don't know where my place is.

At times, I feel extremely discouraged about this. As I look around and see all my friends marrying the person who suits and completes them the way God intended and now, as I start to watch them welcome babies into their families, I can't help but feel like I am alone. Although, they love me dearly and accept me as I am, I am now at a completely different place in life than some of my closest friends. I can't help but wonder, "God, where do I fit in and how do you want to use this season in my life." There are times, I feel like I am the only one who feels like this... but turn on any Christian radio station and I am reminded that I am not. Even years ago, Michael W. Smith told us all that he was just looking for his place in this world.

As I wonder, pray, and struggle through the situation - which, of course, has included a lot tears - I remember the words from a hymn that I learned as a kid.

"This world is not home, I'm just passing through
If Heaven's not my home, oh Lord, what will I do.
The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door,
and I can't feel at home in this world anymore."

It makes me stop and wonder. How many of God's people felt like strangers in a foreign land. Even Christ himself, although surround by 12 men who wanted to in His company, surely felt like a stranger as He was wrapped in flesh and became man. God desires for us to be part of a community of believers, but this world is not home. In 2 Corinthians 5, Paul talks about how this earthly life is like a tent, merely a temporary dwelling... but in Heaven we will live an eternal houses. This life is meant to be temporary and if we don't always feel like we belong here, it is because this world is not my home. And while, I may be tempted to try to find ways to be more comfortable here, I am also remember that I am to store up treasures in Heaven and not to worry about making myself more comfortable here.

So, as I wait and seek God's will for the day to day in my life, I covet your prayers; and I remember these words:

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Hebrews 10:35-36

So this week has been a rough one. The weekend was an emotional one, not a bad one, but emotional. So often I find myself wondering what God is doing in my life. I like things to be neat and orderly and I like to have a reason for what I am doing while I am doing it. However, God asks me to trust Him rather than just allowing me to mess up my own life by giving me the control. I have been wrestling with some things in my heart for a few years, struggling to find the answers so something could make sense in all the hurt and suffering. Saturday night God opened my eyes. For approximately 18 months, I have asked God to help me heal from this major wound. I felt completely hopeless - thinking that it would be a pain that I would carry around with me indefinitely. But, in some miraclous way, God found a way where I thought there couldn't be one. As I look back over the past months to see how God had been healing my heart without me even knowing it - I am moved to tears. I spent hours on Saturday night just crying tears of gratitude. I am thankful for the way He loves me and I am grateful for the people He uses in my life. The crying continued into Sunday and I felt exhausted from it, despite feeling joyful over a God who loves me.

So, feeling emotionally exhausted, I decided to start off the week with a 32 hour shift!! (Smart, huh?) I went straight from work, to the voting poll, to a youth leaders training in the cities - which was very good. It wasn't until 10:30 at night that I returned to the city of Albert Lea and still needed to spend an hour or two in the office. My plate was full. Satan was pounding me down telling me that I was failing at the task that God has given me, my flesh so desperately wanted me to give up and just forgot the difficulties of trying to manage a more-then-full-time job and youth ministry and just go back to when I could enjoy my days off by taking long naps (my favorite hobby), walking my dog, going to the gym, and focusing on myself. I was a mess - and so I showed up on the Stadhiem's door step sharing my heart with the someone who knows EXACTLY I am I at. After an hour and half of crying with Sarah, I pulled it together (even feeling somewhat refreshed) and made my way into the office to do somework.

Today, I am back on the ambulance - utterly exhausted. I have a list longer than I even know that needs to be completely tomorrow. I am not sure when I am going to get it all done, because most of my days is booked up with meetings. But, I came across this verse tonight.


So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
Hebrews 10:35-36

This last week in CSI we talked about meekness. You could ask any of my students and they would tell you that meekness is strength under control. Our confidence and strength comes from God. He made it very clear to me that I am to be where I am - despite whether I think it is an easy road. In July, when I was telling myself I was crazy for even thinking that I felt God was convicting me to move forward with youth ministry, I spent a lot of time praying "God if this is your will, make it undeniably clear." He convicted me of His Will through a speaker and the book of Acts.

From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. Acts 17:26-27

God placed me in Albert Lea, MN at this exact season of my life so that others (and myself) would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and FIND HIM. That is my confidence; that is what I must cling to, despite the fact that I am weary and tired, that is why I must perserve... This is what God has called me to and I must serve Him faithfully or what purpose do I have in this life.

I know that there are many out there who are like me - exhausted, weary, and ready to give up. But I encourage you, Don't throw away your confidence for you will be richly reward.

Serving Him,

Kate

As Years Go By...

God has not called us to an easy life, but yet to one that is filled with great purpose and passion. It was a year ago, October 19th 2009, as I was driving home from a heart wrenching meeting that I felt an undeniable sense I was about to embark on a journey that would be one of the most challenging times of my adult life (at least thus far).

I look back now to know that my 25th year was by far one of the most challenging and stretching times of my life. God has led me out of heartache that I was sure would consume me forever to a peace knowing the lessons I have learned are for His glory. God asked me to make decisions that were astronomically difficult to make and completely impossible to understand at the time. There were times I have never felt more alone and times where God opened my eyes to family of supporters I have. He has introduced me to inspirations of grace and reminders of mercy that encourage and challenge me to step up and be who God created me to be. God has given me opportunities to see how His Strength is perfected in my weakness. I watch in awe of how God can use a simple failure like me to impact others for Him.

I am grateful for the years I have been given, knowing that each of them are a gift from God. They are a gift that I take for granted, but I know that I was bought with a price; a steep price that I could never pay on my own. So as I look ahead to the next year of my life, I pray that God will use me in the ways He chooses and that I will accept His will and step up to the challenge so that when this life is over and my years are through, I will hear Him say “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”